Yeah, unless the slap, kick, or pepper spray kills the guy, I'm going to have to go with go fuck yourself off a cliff, tom.

Dear All White People,

You know those "Everything Wrong With ______ in 4 minutes" youtube videos? I think they need to do one about America and have today's verdict loop over and over.

Oh I'm sorry. Do you not appreciate it when people call you out on your bullshit?

So you're telling me you're the world's first ethical slut.

Well then it sounds like you're either lying to me or lying to yourself. Also, I really like those qualifiers like "knowingly." As that if that absolves you.

So, what kind of numbers are we talking here?

No, they don't. They have variations on the same story every time. "I mean a dude/girl. I spread my/her legs. I/she sucked on his/my penis. Then we did four or five orificial variations of this. The end."

You know what I've discovered about people who "never trust a teetotaler"? They're usually gutter trash who make nothing out of their lives.

If you drink and talk like a sailor, you probably live in an economically depressed town. You probably work at a bar until 7am. You probably "come down" with your bar friends…