A couple of narcissists walk into a bar...
But seriously, being named the best burger had nothing to do with closing the restaurant. 

Yes, all that. Also it’s worth noting that until about five minutes before that song came out, if you had native blood you weren’t proud of it. If you could pass for white, that’s what you did.

But also (and this is really important): do not come for Cher.

It’s not an excuse, but if we judge everything in history through today’s filter, everyone would be an asshole.

“. . .Everything was a surprise, and no woman wants live children as a surprise.”

I tried that scam-got a mattress for about 750 bucks (60% off or something ridiculous like that) from Macy’s. We wound up with a mattress that, after about 6 months-after the warranty ran out-was like sleeping in a hotdog bun. It wasn’t too bad for one person, but with 2, no go. We even tried taking it off the frame,…

Thank you. I think people’s (and the media’s) squeamishness about sex has driven them to use the wrong word-gender, when what they are really talking about is one’s biological sex. As we all know by now, they are two different things. 

Her face is kinda the same all the time, but maybe you don’t want your face to be all contorted, like how my stomach feels when i read stories like this. 

So, you’re against things that would help regular people? Like universal health insurance? Oooooh kinda scary...

And flat screen tvs are way cheap now. 

And thin, or at least height / weight proportionate. Never fat.

Douglass is running for president in 2o2o.

But the turning-into-graphite part takes a really long time, right? Like a billion years or so?

Wow. Wow, and I’ll take the diamond bow with the yellow diamond drop.

Wow. Wow, and I’ll take the diamond bow with the yellow diamond drop.

Aaaand the white british guy has been utterly discredited and stripped of his license: http://time.com/5175704/andrew-wakefield-vaccine-autism/

Yeah, the stupid b*tch.

Yeah, damn you are right. One of my favorite moments in the last 2 years is when Tiff straight armed ol’ dad after that debate or whatever it was.

Well, Ivanka’s jacket still does not fit her, which gives her the edge for worst. On the other hand, she did not choose to be the donald’s daughter, but Melanie did choose to be his wife. So, Melanie wins for worst!

I was working in a grocery store a while back, And a scanned the line and saw somebody who looked familiar and thought “hey-he looks a lot like Brian Setzer!” Well, about 3 minutes later he was at my register, and I confirmed it was indeed he of Stray Cats fame, being totally nice. I’m relieved to report I didn’t go…

I always loved grand funk railroad. Yes, Im old.