Green and fuzzy?

Pretty sure Jemaine’s from Australia. How else could you possibly explain this commercial?

“free reign”

Matrices

I don’t care who this offends, but I like juice. It’s yummy.

“Dr. Manhattan, what the hell are you doing?”

The Official Cat Reaction to “OMG THERE’S A THING ON MY FACE” will never not be hilarious to me.

What do you expect from a Gawker website - professionalism?

As soon as I heard that she’d used this song, I knew for certain that this headline was on its way.

for us, it will point heavenward.

This hinged-arm corkscrew is on the shortlist of my must-have kitchen items. I love it.

“What’s a pencil lead?”

That’s funny...I’d thought it was an “O” he forgot to add.

I have it on good authority that all those 75,000 people were really there for the Decemberists concert.

my divorce in 2007

He’s like a human Jiffy-Pop!

I’m worried @joshmalina is preparing a defense argument for...something?

Me neither; her last name is Clark.

also, this

She’s happy because CRUZBUS and TAMENTE were two of the best Scrabble hands she ever had.