leave it feminists to combine turkey with christmas lights!

lol literally what even are you

Ah, gone are the days when you could sell your friend's stoner parents bad shwag because that was all they could get and they'd be grateful for it! Now they are going talk your ear off about their clearly advanced knowledge of the palate and bouquet of their boutique weed. And did you know the complex differences…

That's alcohol, bro.

Oh, jesus. It's not an official birth announcement. Those things are written by hospital staff, in the middle of the night, by the looks of it and stuck on the side of the hospital bassinet.

Oh, why, did someone mention a mesmerizing "butt"? Something I've been working on during the post-Christmas lull:

You seem like a cool dude, Uncle Shifty, but it's not about you, big fella.

It's the lack of horn that gets me. Get a horn, 'ya big nut!

Still the cutest thing I've ever seen was a newborn rhino at the San Diego Safari Park (this was like 1994, so it was the Wild Animal Park then). It was toddling/trotting around jauntily with its skin all loose and ill-fitting while its mother looked on permissively, and I am dying of squee just remembering it. SO…

Call people bitches all you want - just know abusive, sexist language like that doesn't make you sound like a feminist advocate.

Calling other women "bitches" gives the movement a bad name, imo. Just because you disagree with someones politics doesn't mean you have to denigrate them. I disagree with the methods FEMEN uses, as well - they strike me as the PETA of the feminism world (meaning: obtuse, overly sensational, self-centred).

Thanks for the addition:

Iceland has a christmas cat monster that eats people who don't get new clothes for christmas. I love it.

He's in hiding with LaTavia, LeToya, and Farrah. They have a bunker in the mountains, where they are stockpiling food, weapons, and harmonized vocals.

"Soon," whispers LaTavia, menacingly stroking a CD single of "Survivor" with one magenta fingernail.

"Our time is coming," LeToya agrees. She polishes the stock on her…

I have this theory that she and Tilda Swinton are aliens sent here from a race of beautiful women and they will teach us the ways of peace and fellowship and how to be ethereal.

There's going to be a lil' Casey Wilson?

If Bradley Cooper said something about the pay disparity, it would just make him the More Sexy-iest Man Alive. If Amy Adams said something about the pay disparity, she could be in a cat fight! Speaking out! Diva behavior!

The sexist headline potential is virtually endless when a lady has something to say about…

Yes, the truth hurts. You'll be alright.

Did you really bring up Elvis, as if that makes what Iggy is doing better? Really? Okay. But to quote Hip Hop legend Chuck D: