I watched the show, and I was frankly more worried about Skyler betting $30,000 to get to $66,600 after Final. Sure, he undoubtedly knew that shit given his background, but if I were Trebek, I would have checked that kid for some horns after the taping ended.

+6,000,000

"At least I'm still pretty. I still look at myself in the mirror every twenty minutes. Remember when I did that in that magazine and everyone thought it was cute?"

"It's not quite right to say that Indiana is nothing more than Ohio's gunt; it's also Chicago's outhouse. It's a place where the Midwest's choicest townies and Klansmen gather to make babies out of wedlock, give handjobs to exhausted truckers, and root for white basketball players. Indiana is a tire fire that never…

But what does this do to his fantasy value? SKIP BAYLESS DEMANDS TO KNOW!!!

College athletics owes its ENTIRE EXISTENCE to academics. They should be required to pay the piper, not be subsidized by student tuition under the guise of "recreational fees". The "separate budgets" argument is a lame college administrator canard designed to disguise their own fetishes for sexy campus buildings…

CNBC employees are the equivalent of Nazi collaborators in France during World War II. The fact that Jim Cramer is still allowed to make nightly stock recommendations after the Bear Stearns fiasco and the accompanying Daily Show send up shows where their priorities are, and I want to punch Maria Bartiromo in the face…

He's already thinking about taking a low-percentage shot.

Name five differences between Wei-Yin and Bruce Chen. It's racist, but until tonight I thought they were the same person. THEY ARE NEVER IN THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME DAMMIT, HE'S BATMAN!

Maddie has likely gone to bed with every molecule in that picture that does not belong to JM.

"Who am I?!?!?!?!?"

In the aftermath of the press conference, the Patriots injury report still lists Hernandez as Questionable for Week 1.

The Grierson/Leitch one was where I burst into a giggle fit.

I could literally not give two shits about this. Women treating this as some sort of fairy tale relationship that they aspire toward should be aware that this living is made possible by history and the largesse of the British people.

You are not like these people and should therefore not care less what kind of future…

"Fuck Tebow" is clearly written in DaVinci-esque code on this tattoo sleeve.

Little did Dicky V know that Mayer was cheating on him with Chris Berman.

Now that they have a real statistician on board, maybe ESPN will finally cancel Numbers Never* Lie in order to pay his salary. That show is nothing but First Take in faux-intellectual glasses.

BIGGEST GLORY BOY

Definitely PTSD from this.

/points out that the Catherine-Horse incident never happened