We'll cross the streams.

Here it is, reversed.

In 1987 I paid my cousin $9 to shut up about Metroid.

It's been 13 years, Keyshawn. I think it's time to let it go.

OK.

Am I doing this right..?

OK, this is truly disturbing. From the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

Yordano Ventura should be the template of how to live – do your best at your job and then go enjoy the rest of your life.

Prob fake, everything in that room was shit.