“For the first pick of the 2018 NFL draft, the Cleveland Browns select....”

Did SAS write this?

That Ben McAdoo look is killin’ it.

DAAAAAAAAAN!

Remember who she ran against? Todd “the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down” Akin.

Porsche.

Guilty. Immediately defensive. Stated the same phrase twice over 3 sentences and doesn’t know the difference between can’t and won’t. I think several additional calls to him are warranted.

Date of birth: August 24, 1983. The dude was still rubbing one out every day in the year 2000.

Nope. It was named after his father and grandfather, whom were admirals. Little short-arms was merely a captain. Good job guessing.

That’s not a sound business plan and those companies should expect to lose everything.

I don’t know about you guys, but when I think fruits and vegetables, a picture of this guy comes directly to mind.

It it an unwritten rule that they have to either use hair dye or 10-for-a-dollar razors?

Just let their in house design team of 4-year-olds chainsaw some squarish vents like they do on the Corvette and Camaro. They’ve already performed step 1: Never have an original design idea this century.

Arrowhead.

Never forget the 1992 Indy 500 pole sitter:

Damnit! She played the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer trump card. Damn her!

Peyton's conversation with Ely on the morning of January 12, 2015:

We're going to need a professional lip reader to tell us what Roger and his 'wife' actually said. Give us facts!

Karma has just been thrown out of the game.

Teammates watch as Johnson goes flaccid. News at 11, eh.