I don't know you, Sam Eifling, and this is the first of your pieces that I've read. But I like you.

This would be an excellent one for Drew's funbag

What team do you absolutely love to see lose?

Quest failed, nerd.

+1 set of busted teeth

Well, yeah, I just figure Romo's suckitude can drag even the best fantasy team down.

How the fuck is "Put in the Tape" 4-2 with Romo at QB?

Any motorheads out there? I ask because I am definitely not one, and Jalopnik scares me. I'm doing this rally next summer with a few friends, and in search of a reliable vehicle that can carry us across Africa in one piece. Suggestions?

+1

Quick straw poll here. Who enjoys the smell of his own farts more; Bill Simmons or Rick Reilly? After last night's pre-game cheerleaders segment, I'm inclined to say Reilly. Of course, @sportsguy33 looks like a pedophile, so...

Fun fact, Feely went to my high school. He was, apparently, a tremendous douche (about 8 years before my time, so I have to trust the rumors). His father was also my history teacher/JV football coach. DEADSPIN, INTERVIEW ME!!1!!1

+1

You do know why this game is being talked about so much today, right?

Guess what, when they willingly pose for People and drag their child into it, they waive every right to not be made fun of. Ever. They've happily thrust themselves into the public eye, and we now have every right to react accordingly by ridiculing and belittling them until humanity goes extinct.

You must be fun at parties.

Can I direct my seething hatred for Talib's complete inability to cover Nicks at you?

My girlfriend is from Norway, and she just moved to the NY with me, just in time for football season to start. It's been both infuriating (because I'm not a patient person) and rewarding (because I like to appear an authority on sports) to explain football to her.

Fantastic read, Sean. I still fondly remember waiting outside Mons until midnight on my 18th birthday so I could get in for a legal lap dance. Redner is something of a cartoon character in the already absurd cast of characters that is Tampa, but he's definitely not uninteresting.

Great contribution, keep up the good work.