Mr. Pollack of Motoramatic:

At least someone in the family is well-armed.

Explain to me again this whole "dealerships protect consumers" thing you were talking about.

If there's one thing Jezebel truly excels at, it's not shutting up about stuff. You should have this problem solved in no time.

The last time an owner of St. Louis Spirits received $500 million was 2009, when the Cardinals paid off Tony La Russa's bar tab.

did the Browns really have to put team HQ next to some kind of abandoned box factory?

Well, he's a baller, so that's a start.

RG3: "I'm fucking serious guys, put me down."

MR2 Spyder. Small, athletic, not nearly as popular as that Miata girl that everyone has had at one point or another but every bit as fun, and.. the biggest set of headlights you'll find on a car that small.

"Hey, Snyde, don't make it obvious, but check it out — I think the woman next to me is the Progressive Insurance lady."

They're lucky to get off with suspensions. Oftentimes, a shocker results in expulsion.

Tip: NONE, FORREST, NONE

This just in: Ted Williams is a head on the early Deadspin ballot.

Good to see Bernie Ecclestone enjoying some time off after the F1 season.

He looks like a horse in quicksand, or a mare stood in a mire, or something.

Puss In Boots

"Was Jay Z there?"

Befitting his favorite team, the guy nicknamed his dick "the lead."

Buuuulllllshit. Weed is great. Because it gets you high.