If a customer said the taste of decomposing lizards hadn’t clued him in that my product was contaminated, I’d settle the suit discreetly.

I also like the real teeth! My mister loves older films and I am mesmerized about how actors have ‘imperfections’ by today’s standards.

I prefer this look to today’s ultra white chicklets. It’s always interesting to watch movies from 30+ years ago and see how teeth have changed

i kind of like the beard, though the whiteness of the hair is highlighting the yellowness of his teeth.

“I don’t mean to create the impression that I have any legal expertise”.

If she had urged him to take someone else’s life, she’d be found guilty for her part in it. I see this as being similar enough to warrant jail time.

one of my FB friends wondered why it’s not called humidititties. I said because “boob sweat” rolls off the tongue more easily.

Here’s an analogy. A lights a house on fire and runs out. B tells A his beloved dog is in the house. She knows it’s not but she wants him to die. A runs back into house and dies. Did B do something criminal? I’m comfortable with saying yes.

...but if Little Johnny was caught lighting a fire in the house and the house didn’t end up burning to the ground, he’d still be arrested for arson.

your anatomy must work different than mine. getting into a sports bra is a 15-20 minute procedure.

This is a ridiculous product I will never buy but has nonetheless improved my day b/c now I know it’s not *just me* getting mountain dew while I prep and maybe I’m not the schvitziest broad this side of a D cup.

Same, love my otterbox

Megan, thank you for standing up against big a cappella. The snark gave me life on this bleary hangover morning, even if I feel you might have pulled some punches.

Ugh... I hate to think I might be defending someone defending the slave trade but... I don’t think that’s what this person was trying to say, at all?

So then.....a man who is dying makes a special effort....to help take away a potential cure for people as sick as him.

I’m not much into modern country but I’ve noticed there’s a group of the artists that are never seen in public without hats. Ever. I always assumed it was because they were all balding.

I would believe how bald he was (he died in ‘09—fucking cancer). I also miss grown ups (sex, drugs, jobs, kids, jobs you hate, marriages falling apart, divorces, cheating (from all sides) and drinking to escape) in country music.

And let’s not forget Bob had a massive heart attack this year.  

I fucking LIVED for these. When I was in middle school my greatest joy was reading this column, and I still remember finding a stack of old Seventeens in my aunt’s house from the last decade and flipping back to read this column. Fuck, these illustrations are provoking a visceral reaction, I feel like I’m 12 again.