I can't figure out the tone or motivation of this column.

I can't be the only guy who knows jack shit about car basics. I fully realize there's tons of resources out there, but it's daunting when your knowledge doesn't really extend beyond "Gas makes it go."

How do I stop surfing the web and start getting some actual work done?

Once the defrosters kick in, wiper blades loosen, and power windows thaw, the snow and ice will take care of itself. #science

11. As long as I remove just enough snow/ice for me to see out it's okay to drive.

Swift's life has been spiralling downwards for awhile now. It looks like it may have finally reached the bottom.

Its like getting robbed by a unicorn. A unicorn that sucks at basketball.

A 7'1" ginger!

Woman: [hears an argument about the amount of money professional athletes are paid for signing with a professional team]
Woman: [hears a struggle between two idiots]
Woman: [yells at husband to turn off that damn sports radio show]

Drew's just hitting his earning stride. Mrs. Drew is in until the kids are in college.

"so we can get him the help he needs", Kalaf finished, before breaking off into peals of laughter with the rest of the Deadspin bullpen, who were making jerking-off gestures the whole time

A few WEEKS? Why have you just been sitting on the tip so long, Samer? You're even worse than my ex-girlfriend. Hey-oooo!!!!

"Oh, you mean 'Nail Salon'?"

"Hardin County Sheriff John Ward said those who go into law enforcement typically do it because they have a desire to shoot minorities...

I can only think of one: Gleaming the Cube/Brother's Justice? They both have young 80s Christian Slater.

John, why the long fa...

See? This. This gets at exactly what's wrong with all the outrage at Skip Bayless.

Nah, he's an alcoholic.

I'd suggest he enter a 12-step program, but he's already shown he's hopeless when it comes to going through progressions.

He also did this