Somewhat derivative of Jimi Hendrix's Axis: Bold as Love. But weirder.

Where is the buttchugging?

There's an awful lot of Seminole fluid going on here

You can tell he's drunk since he's making a pass.

'Cindy'. I see what you did there! You lose points for not using 'Crysby' though.

During a press conference, police reported they have nothing to go on.

"They were initially suspicious of the group of 11 guys but eventually realized they were innocent."

I'd rather read "What I learned from Gary Busey."

This has nothing to do with writing, but I would be remiss if I did not share my Gary Smith anecdote.

In college, my best friend dated Gary's daughter. We were driving through town to pick up his daughter on the way to our final spring break destination. However, what we thought was a simple hello and goodbye turned…

I wish you wouldn't prey on the English language.

ahem! retarded CHILDREN

I'm a Dodgers fan, and my absolute favorite part was this guy chugging the Giants fan's beer. Total asshole maneuver, but fuck the Giants.

Nothing new. Complete lack of hustle by Cano when getting out of the box.

So when did Jon "I got fired from Runners World for being a sexist Twat" Gugula become judge, jury, and executioner for bandits? Even if what they did is wrong (again, it's a longstanding tradition for the Boston Marathon) - why is he so outraged?

Remember when Jon Gugala was fired by Runner's World for making incredibly offensive and sexist tweets during the 2012 Boston Marathon, for which he never apologized and instead continued to make offensive and sexist tweets? Glad to see his priorities are in line.

What's with the witch hunt? Bandits have a long history at the Boston Marathon.

Kara Bonneau is a whiny bitch for complaining about this. And you're even worse for continually harping on it.

see, it's funny because balls are round and you're an idiot

See, those are the kind of problems that result from square balls. That and corners.

"God damn it, it was only 3 more outs."

I've never watched Craig Ferguson, yet I can say without a doubt that he must be better than Chelsea Handler.