I need a laptop AND Ipad Trapper Keeper. And I need them yesterday. And not some boring plain one, either. I need some rainbows on it and shit.

I thought the cheesecake slab in the photo looked kinda like a shoe. Specifically a Reebok pump covered in chocolate and chip crap.

You're singing my tune, bud. I had horrible, abusive parents and have acknowledged that I maybe don't have the skills/background/experience to do it right.

Her hair gives me nightmares. Discover conditioner, woman! (Her, not you).

That's the first thing I thought when I saw that photo. She's a smug bitch, and she's laughing at everyone. She played the game better than everyone and walked, so good for her, I guess, but she's still a scumbag.

The sad thing is, he's STILL not cool. Maroon 5 is Momrock, and Adam Levine tries way too hard. Whatev, I've always thought their music was good for elevators and doctors' offices, so it serves its purpose, I guess.

Dude, just cause you were taught Creationism as part of your school's "science" program, doesn't make it actual science.

NO! WE DON'T! YOU DO. STOP PROJECTING.

I don't, and I'm not lying. I've never even WANTED to insult someone's race. Dickbag is pretty all encompassing. So is douche.

I did something very similar today. My BF and I were shopping. He was looking at wallets and also wanted to get sunglasses. I say to him, "I don't think they sell sunglasses." I go to the other side of the store, ask the teenager (who is looking at me like I'm insane) if they sell sunglasses. He goes, "yeah", and…

No, you are perfectly rational, because spiders are the worst.

Oh. My. GOD! That is so bad. Grrrrrrooooooosssss.

When he got his first cell phone, my dad asked me if it had to be turned on for it to get calls. He is an electrical engineer. Two Masters Degrees. He was old as hell when he got the phone, but damn, son, he was an engineer!

The woman who plays Tastee on OITNB looks so pretty. She's a pretty woman to begin with, but she looks genuinely happy and it bumps up her pretty factor 150%. She's my favorite on the show, and I'm happy she's getting recognition for her work. She KILLED it this season.

You're my new hero.

Stop fucking in cars?

By a mile for the hair alone. And the pants. And the polyester. And the sans-a-belt slacks.

Definitely helped! Knowing that when someone did something shitty or made you uncomfortable, and you laughed it off or ignored it, that you're not stupid or cowardly for reacting that way. It's knowing that other people sometimes have the "freeze-up" reaction and also that you're not the only person who has been…

Thank you for saying this. I've been going through some introspection lately, and have recently realized that everything you just wrote so eloquently applied to me. I feel less like a freak/monster knowing that I'm not alone in experiencing these moments and then blaming myself afterwards or just laughing it off. …

This is most definitely not okay. This is...I don't know what this is.