I find it ironic that the guy warning you about jumping chollas is the one who got knocked into the cacti by the golf shot! I mean seriously dude, wtf are you still doing in the desert?

To that point, you'd reckon that if you saw anybody in drag that it would be Michael Sam.

Shouldn't this be cross-posted to Lifehacker?

Man! He took her to school!

It must be nice to be one of those rich people who owns a tree.

Are you aware that when you see an article that you don't like you can simply not click on it? This eliminates both you having to read something you don't want to read, and you making yourself look like a fucking moron by pointing out in the comments section that you weren't able to simply not click on something you…

I'm not sure what he was mad about, but seeing him react with such emotion after a sporting event has caused a lot of his fans to tweet him messages of support, where they refer to him by his nickname, the "Knegger".

some shadowy hoodie-wearing dude smoking doobs

A quick rule of thumb: if you saw the title of this and thought, "Wow, I'm going to need a drink to deal with this!" then you're probably in trouble.

I have even stooped as low as manually breaking up the object and placing its pieces back on the floor, so that it cannot escape the natural order of things, which dictates that it must be consumed by the vacuum. I'm like the Anton Chigurh of housekeeping.

If he is bruised, his second career is over.

The record books say that he broke the record by a yard, but that's only because they (reasonably) have to round up or down to the nearest yard. However, the truth is, he only beat Dempsey by half a foot.

I have to agree with Verne on Jack winning the '86 Masters. In a most improbable and dramatic finish. Five strokes back and in the trees on the tenth hole. Some of you young'uns should youtube Nicklaus' Sunday back-nine in '86. Still gives me chills.

How many times must you bring up how much you played sports? Don't you think that just about everybody who regularly reads Deadspin has done the same?

I remember it. I finished in 2nd right behind this dipshit named Kip Litton. I did post a PB of 1:59:52 tho. Working on breaking that this year.

I still love the part from that segment where he asks the guy dressed as Darth Vader, "Which of these buttons calls your mother to come pick you up?"

You can see the Carlton Dance at 12:14. Mind is blown.

That's the fun part!