Yeah, I've lied online. In fact, I'm lying right now.

Right, that's my understanding, too. A lie of omission - what Joe does in the movie - isn't enough. If he'd spun her a line about being a single dad from Seattle who's dying of a brain cloud, that'd be catfishing. Just neglecting to mention, "Oh hey, I'm that guy you don't like," doesn't qualify.

UT couldn't if it wanted to; there are more freshmen than spaces in university dorms. When I worked at the Union information desk, we sometimes got questions from parents who just figured all universities made freshmen live on-campus (or who assumed the off-campus dorms were part of the UT Housing system rather than…

"Zeke, you are the dumbest creature ever to set foot on God's green Earth!" Mildred yelled. "And that's including your cousin who shot his own butt off. What in the Sam Hill possessed you to sell our best cow for some magic beans?"

Ramon was leaning out the old Beetle's window, trying to hook up the gas pump, when he heard Miguel moan, "I'm hungry!" It took Ramon a moment to spot what his son had already seen: a rusting churro stand wedged up underneath the gas station, down nearer cloud level.

Normally, Bothaniel liked field trips because it meant getting out of Mrs. Droidsdale's classroom for the day, but his grandparents had already dragged him through the Humanity Museum's Xmas exhibit the weekend prior.

I never understood how putting pants on two legs at a time became this exemplar of difficulty. It's easy; start out sitting down, and stand up partway through.

"Hastings," Auburn whispered into his helmet's comm, "there's an old beauty parlor in here. The floor's a mess, but the equipment looks almost new. Fifties retro, but new fifties retro."

The photographer crossed himself and slowly backed to the door. "In the name of all that is holy," he whispered, "what is that?"

What they were planning was the frelling fifth season. The show finished each of the first three seasons uncertain on whether they'd be renewed or not, and then Skiffy (before it became Siffy) picked it up for two more. They sketched out a two-year arc and moved forward. Then they got the call that the show was…

The rest of the family tried to ignore Maria as she shook her head in disgust. They had accepted that she was vegan now - Mother even made her meals separately from the others - but they weren't going to let her ruin their holiday dinner.

Roger clutched his briefcase tightly as he struggled to maintain his composure. On the far side of the parking lot, a giant crab was angrily throwing his coworkers' cars around, and Roger suspected this was all his fault.

“Is that the Robot from Lost in Space?” Treasury Secretary Fowler asked, staring at the large form standing behind the president’s desk.

I gave up after the time the guy started to make me a hero sandwich.

Maybe, Ellie thought, looking at the form lying beside her, she was partly to blame. Just partly. Her twenties were long gone, and even then she’d never been supermodel material. Yet, whenever she went drinking, she held out for someone a decade younger, devastatingly handsome, and fabulously wealthy. By the time…

What are the chances that this James Deen guy knows that Sloth was quoting The Electric Company when he yelled that line?

The doctor stood in the doorway, staring in horror and praying under his breath. After about a minute, he finally asked, "What seems to be the matter, Miss Bahl?"

I never toast. I either eat them straight out of the freezer or at room temperature. About ten years ago, I was working as a substitute teacher, and Pop-Tarts became my usual lunch. I could grab a packet in the morning, toss it in my bag, and go. I wouldn't have to worry about how much time I'd have for lunch or…

"Do they even know we're here?" the girl asked.

The impressions were neat enough, but a couple of the dates in the corner ruined it for me. The worst is that Foster and Ringwald would've been about 16 and 15, respectively, which adds a creep factor I hope was unintended.