I would live and die for all three of my children. Each one is precious in my eyes. I also wish I did not become a Dad. I'm not nearly as good at it as I had hoped. I feel like there is no refuge or sanctuary when things get really difficult. The peaceful moments either never happen or are far too short and few. …

That's a really important point. I don't want children and neither does my husband, but I know that I'd love a child I made with him more than I can possibly understand. There's no one in the world I'd rather have children with than him. But I don't want children. It's a nuanced thing, for sure, despite how it's…

Wait wait we get slapped and its our fault?! Not theirs? What is wrong with you?!

I completely fail to understand this line of argument. Valve have released literally at least one game per year since Day of Defeat in 2003. Where the hell are people getting this?

"What makes the chicken Amish? Well, imagine Roman Catholic chicken but without all the idolatry and pedophilia."

Gary Larson, specialty rancher

I've never understood why people get so mad about things like that. For fucks sake guy, did this ruin your fucking life? Can you no remove those things? What, is there an allergy in play, can't you get it remade? What about that fucking situation requires that level of anger and meanness? I really wish I could…

I know that feel, bro.

Had a woman on the phone yesterday. I was trying to explain to her the most cost efficient way of ordering pizzas for X amount of people and she just was. not. getting. it. It was one of those "I feel the precious seconds of my finite existence trickling away, away" conversations where neither of us could get…

We have a lady who always asks for us to leave the chick peas off of her salad to which we reply we do not not have we ever put chick peas on our salads. Once you bring the salad out she will huff and puff and hold up the peppercini and exclaim she didn't want any chick peas. She's been told many times that it is not…

This.

And see? Your friend has secured his/her place as a decent person. It's fine to be wrong, or not know something. Just don't be a dickwad about it.

Oh yeah. There was a customer, that even after I explained it to them, thought Mayonnaise, Ranch, Bleu Cheese, and Sour Cream were all the same thing.

Yes. Yes I can.

None of the burgers I see listed on their menu have mayo anywhere in the ingredients. I see tarragon sauce, red pepper aioli, and blue cheese. I guess it would be, like, extra work to find out if the chef actually includes mayo in his sauce.

most food is technically low brow food. Most French cuisine is various animal entrails.

Take their bag out. Put your bag in. Give their bag to a flight attendant and say "This doesn't belong to anyone seated here and doesn't fit."

You don't take kids too small to understand what is going on into bars, restaurants or on airplanes. Yes, I am a parent and I have enough class not to do that.

"Sick shit" is no joking matter and I would ask that you not trigger the gastrointestinally distressed.

No, I won't get it- especially since I meet the criteria you seem to think would inform me otherwise.