why are you guys like this

Your honor, my client is being charged with murder, yet there are no murderers on the jury.  Why are we even here?

So no men voting on abortion rights? That’s Fair.

This will go over great when talking about gay marriage! 

They want to ban tactical nuclear weapons, but HAVE THEY EVER EVEN DEPLOYED ONE?!

“‘As the chick on a panel that spent most of her break shooting, I look forward to talking about this,’ she began.”

From now on, we use the Meghan Rule for all things: you’re not allowed to pass judgment unless you’ve actually done that thing.

at some point maybe corporate America will realize selling $35-55k cars is difficult if there is no middle class

Was onboard until... outback?

at some point maybe corporate America will realize selling $35-55k cars is difficult if there is no middle class

We all know that agents, attorneys, all have their agenda—by the way, they’re all taking money out of the pie, too, when they’re there. And so the straighter it goes from the source to the one receiving it, nine times out of ten, that’s more efficient.

Me: [Clicking through pictures of ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend on Facebook]

I hate it when I have to chase those obnoxious, belligerent, remorseful drunks down in the parking lot and drag them kicking and screaming back to my bed.

they saw this and he was still acquitted. jurors are trash, straight up trash

We are steadily approaching The Big Three equivalent of streaming. Get ready for a lowest common denominator approach with shows being culled left and right in the wink of an eye. These companies are throwing billions at the wall and none of them will be remotely risky or sentimental about it.

All they needed was a warm body and they got...Dwight Howard.

What astonishes me about the MyPillow guy is that he used to be such a hardcore crackhead his own dealer refused to sell him any more. He apparently was waving money, cash money at every dealer in town and they all were YOU NEED REHAB.

“When they look at you in astonished dismay and ask ‘how can you sleep at night, having unleashed Donald Trump upon the country and world?’ you just give ’em a big smile and say ‘MyPillow(TM)!’”
- those ads, I assume

Who knew that making shitty pillows would be profitable enough to keep an entire network afloat.