Never read or saw Fifty Shades, but I’d watch the making of as a Lifetime movie.

Preeeeecisely. Except instead of making one of the most iconic movies of all time, they’d be making the world’s biggest soft-core porn. And hating every minute of it.

oh my god like Hearts of Darkness

BAM!

Presidential jokes aside, I would watch the shit out of a ‘Making of 50 Shades’ movie that dramatized the friction between James and Taylor Johnson, the cold relationship between the co-stars, the weird awkwardness of shooting it and then promoting it...all of that.

As opposed to Jo Rowling, who by all accounts was nothing but helpful, yet set herself back from the Harry Potter film franchise. She understood that books and movies are different universes and although she required certain things to be left in (because only she knew the outcome of the final books), Rowling let the…

Most problematic was the unusual control that the author, EL James, had negotiated over the movie. Director and author clashed. “I like everyone — and I get really confused when they don’t like me. I was so confused by EL James. I don’t understand when I can’t navigate a person, when there’s no synergy.”

Not enough stars in the universe to like this properly.

There’s no one more intense about how a particular universe is supposed to play out than fanfiction authors, slash fiction in particular, and EL James is the most successful slash fiction author of all time, so....

Ohhhhhhhhhhh Snap!

Most problematic was the unusual control that the author,

How about from the tower?

Which reminds me, they used to throw people in the Tower. Throw his ass in the Tower.

They should take him to a soccer game. And leave him there.

Throw him in the moat.

Is this woman up for knighthood yet, or whatever the female equivalent is? Dameing? Indamement? Damehood?

UK-dwellers are fantastic at protesting. Primarily because it combines their two greatest enthusiasms: queueing and complaining.

This one time, I had a boss who invited me out to lunch. When I got there, I realized I was the only invitee. He put his hand on my leg and said, “I hope we are going to have a great working relationship.”

If the person who can fire you begins a statement with “I hope you can” 99.9% of the population knows that really means “Do this or you’re fired” and we know this is what Trump meant BECAUSE THEN HE FIRED HIM FOR NOT DOING IT.

And for this guy, as a politician, to then go back and write a memo: ‘Oh, I felt threatened.’ He felt so threatened — but he didn’t do anything.”