Then it would’ve read “well, golly gee whillikers, guys, I just think that maybe the Cubs would’ve had a better shot if they’d been a little more humble, and by the way, A.I. was a great movie according to the Alien Terrible Opinion Leech that lives in my brain.”

You’re right...it’d only be fair, cubs fans were nothing but graceful after their wins in the wild card game and NLDS, so we really should try to—PPPFFFFFFT BAHAHAHAHA oh man, sorry, couldn’t finish that one with a straight face

That’s totally a teenage crush move right there. I’ll throw the basketball at her, break her face, then she’ll like me.

I’ll gladly take 7 weeks of this over more DraftKings.

Mr. Regular explained an entire philosophy of design with buttholes.

What would you like to see in the future that will please you?

You say they’re a mess. I say they’re having more fun than most of us.

No joke here, but it would be incredible if this entire thing fell apart over a response in an AMA.

A recent FanDuel promo code will hopefully be prophetic

The people demand bear friday!

“Well now it’s wasted! You’re still fucking alive!”

In hockey, they spell it “Primeau.”

How do these idiots learn to behave like this? I’m so mad right now I could spit. I don’t like the way this boy was raised, Dad Grummitt!

He looks like he’s trying to sell me Jesus Miracle Water. “you too can have the power of OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST .... for only 10 easy payments of $99.99!!”

Yoenis Cespedes and Jose Bautista would make a great President and Vice-President. Could they govern effectively? HELL NO! Would they be any worse than whichever one of these hamburgers actually gets elected? MAYBE! And, besides, when shit goes sideways, they could just have a home run derby. If we learned anything…

Fans in Toronto hate the Maple Leafs so much they’re now throwing stuff when the Rangers score a hat-trick.

And your movie reviews suck. Not everything can get a C-.

I fucking hate the Cardinals.