I considered moving this to #HilariousComplaints but I'll let it stand. :)

...and leather/ball-sweat scented, of course. :)

Only if you view being compared to a drag queen as an insult (which I don't.) But yeah, it's problematic.

I'll craft you a bedazzled soapbox with my gay magics, my dear.

I'll wait to see the baby's face before I'm a B(el)ieber.

He should be named Tom Cruise...because he's clearly demonstrated the ability to not come out until he's damn good and ready.

What about stomach content?

Well I know what I'm doing tonight...

They're probably just scared of having to listen to "Monster Mash" on repeat in the delivery room.

I hope McDonald's patrons remember this the next time they judge someone for eating ass.

My nephews stick their feet into our unlit fireplace, then walk around getting ash everywhere and screaming, "Look at my carbon footprint, Uncle Cole." Assholes.

I'm going to start calling him Cain & Not-At-All-Abel.

Goddamn babies crossing our borders, coming into the land of the living and taking what is rightfully ours!

This the most entertaining threadjack EVER and I will not move it. (Sorry stacyinbean, you know I love you and your witty ways.)

(Insert The More You Know Gif) Why aren't images working?

Well laid and well played, my friend.

In my bed, whoever came first is assigned the wet spot.

Snakes are hatched, not birthed.

The Bachmann Campaign later had trouble retrieving the phone leant to Mr. Trump for the tele-townhall meeting. As proof of their commitment to fiscally conservative Americans, the campaign promises to use a two-cans-connected-by-string apparatus for all future tele-townhall soirées.

Things really are regressing for today's youth. I blew the head cheerleader behind the debate room in high school and all I got was a bad taste in my mouth.