Did a fifth grade hack Jim Carrey's Twitter? Because that is EXACTLY how my fifth graders write.

Zora is such a lovely name! She's awesome.

Dude. Ladies aren't refusing you because you're poor. They're refusing you because you're utterly charmless.

Wait, you're suggesting that an entire city full of beautiful, career-driven women refuse to sleep with him, and the problem could be HIM?

What is it about astrologist Susan Miller? She lies to stupid people. That's what it is.

Yeah, that's what I mean - not old looking, but beautiful in a way that makes age hard to guess.

No smelly underarms! The 20s is when underarm shaving and antiperspirant use become widespread! The first antiperspirant to be really popular was called 'Odorono' and was a bloodred liquid that had to be painted on. The effects lasted a week!

Focusing on what's on this girl's head and ignoring what's going on inside it. Nice work, Principal Stupid.

I think this girl is pretty in a classic way, which can make age hard to read. Think of Elizabeth Taylor at this age - she was gorgeous, but could easily be mistaken for someone much older.

89!? He looks about 70, tops. Lookin' good, Jessica. You're awesome.

"Famous rib cage"? Seriously? Look, I get that they're very thin men, but wouldn't we be freaking out around here if someone used that language to describe a thin woman's body?

That is not very accurate 80s hair.

This video is hilarious. That said, I am totally this girl. I love 60s records and vintage clothing, even though I don't have the deepest understanding of the era they come from. I like stuff with owls on it. I make collages and performance art and I'm a writer and I take a self-portrait every day and post it online.

Bring balloons to lazer tag and Instagram that shit!

Your friend is having more fun than you.

teach at a predominantly black high school (there are also a lot of Asian and some white students) and a LOT of my kids are into the illuminati thing. It seems that stupid conspiracy theories transcend race. Um. Yay?

What? Did you read the article, which is about how Beyonce is awesome? Because I do not think you read it.

Seriously. Must be hard to have the option of taking pretty person jobs, as well as being more likely to land regular person jobs than their equally talented but less conventionally attractive counterparts. Heartbreaking. Prettyism is the new racism, guys!

They are weird, doofy morons, but somehow their love has always seemed genuine. I totally have a soft spot for them.

Gun-grabbers? You know what, sure. Let's embrace that moronic term. Because I would love to see your guns grabbed and taken away from you. I would love to see every private citizen's guns grabbed. The fact that you have a right to them now is because of idiotic, outdated legislation that results in undeniable and…