Walmart barely sells food at all. I promise you; you still have not had coffee.

What's the hurry!? This seems like a bad idea. Just because you *can* do something, doesn't mean you should.

Lighten up! Did someone once lick you against your will!? It's an article about tongues!

Chocodiles FTW! Also, Suzy Q…for the hypoglycemic.

Would not changing the hard "G" sound to a "J" also change "GIF" from being an acronym to a word?

Has Mi¢ro$oft ever had a good product? Ok, Excel, but that was it. It's time for the whole company to be put out to pasture. Windows 8 isn't going to be the huge success that XP, for example, was because Mi¢ro$oft is destined to wither in Apple's shadow for at least the next 20 years. Maybe they should quit the…

"Creepy" is a polite way of saying "evil".

Thank you for this bad advice. Observing these 7 'suggestions' will not result in anyone "getting away with" adultery. The only way to be successful at adultery it to not attempt it. There is an infinite number of possible ways for your spouse to find out and it *always* ends badly.

I have MP3 files that can play music from my phone without paper *or* a scanner!

Ha, ha. Poor, sleazy bastard. You'll have to limit your lies to family and friends for the rest of your life.

This appears to be in no way useful…save, perhaps, as a curiosity.

I'm thinking of patenting a finger. The one in the middle seems uniquely compelling in response to this latest gaffe.

Perhaps the court is attempting to show us, through sheer ridiculousness, that it really should not exist. Patents are a flawed concept, to begin with. The only way you can own a thought is to keep your mouth shut about it.

…Under those circumstances, the candidate named "Bush" wins.

I don't get it. You *own* the box or are you just renting it for as long as it takes to come and pick up your package?

There are 2 sides to every coin. The flip side of voting for whatever ineffectual liar you imagine will benefit you is that, to the extent that your vote empowers him, to that extent you are responsible for whatever illegal war, drone strike on "suspected" militants or miscellaneous havoc he wreaks around the world.…

Taking aim at mindless government sheeple through powerful scopes, from high towers.

Innocence is no excuse in a totalitarian regime. If you're not familiar with the term, "totalitarian", you're about to learn more than you ever wanted to know about it.