Don't worry, your secret is safe. Moreover, saying that I know two languages is more hyperbole than a Dean Kamen marketing blitz.

But. I only know English and Spanish. And I know Spanish like I imagine a three-year-old child knows Spanish.

Plus, I have the confidence to leave a job where I'm being abused.

Mr. Microwaves Fish is pretty fucking terrible. I had a coworker like that at my first post-college job. Except it was beef tongue. Every. Fucking. Tuesday. Beef Tongue Tuesday.

I don't think he's shaming the fat guy for trying to change and improve his lifestyle. I think he's shaming him for hanging his smelly underwear out to dry in the office.

I should mention that after that experience, I stepped down from management and back to being a regular old employee.

I have a co-worker who is, legit, fire-in-the-eyes, cut-your-balls-off, cat-lady crazy (sans cats). She consistently asks asinine questions in meetings with, one assumes, the intended purpose of making her appear intelligent and engaged.

Can someone redo this entire article, except "How to Upgrade Your Garage Brewery Without Spending a Fortune"?

Or a few slices of American processed cheesefood and a can of Dole fruit salad. Entertaining like a sir.

It just says "re-use". I think you're free to interpret that however you will. Up to and including assuming the obvious: that the wrapping is part of the gift.

Hipster supreme!

I have a lot of friends, and I don't keep a constantly stocked pantry with as-needed entertainment edibles.

Nope. I enjoy the crap out of mine. I think part of why we're seeing all this "Bleh, office parties are lame, coworkers are lame" business is that websites like this have a high ratio of—-and, friends, please don't take this disparagingly, it's not meant as such—-introverted IT workers.

What happened to relying on knowledge, expertise, and positive rep to get people to value you and treat you well at work?

Buying a tin of Folgers isn't really... convenience coffee (unless we have different definitions of that, in which case... okie doke).

I dunno. "Lesbian women don't necessarily engage in penetrative anal sex"? That ok? There was no joke in the original post, but you're probably reading too much into this, yeah.

It makes coffee, in appropriate volumes, quickly. I'm not sure why it needs to be more complicated than that.

Hey, buddy, chill out. It was a regular blanket party in here on this dude. It's not even remotely ok to jump down the throats of people defending you.

I know. I kept looking back at that and thinking, "I should really change that to 'necessarily' or 'by default' or something."

And whatever coffee is on sale at the Publix.