She grows up super-fast (like, a year in a month), so they worry that she's going to die, but Meyer fixes that by randomly having her hit age 17 and then stop aging entirely, so she can live forever and be a teenager forever, which is obviously Meyer's ideal life.

I live in North Carolina, and there are indeed geese crapping all over the entire state, and they can be quite aggressive. People complain about the poop constantly, but I often wonder if they are actually a problem in an ecological sense. Are they driving out other species? Are they throwing off the food chain? Are…

You win today.

Google tells me that it is "Lilith: A Snake in the Grass," by Jack L. Chalker, and it has just been added to my library book-request list. That is an amazing opening!

Seriously, I don't think I can ever read that book, now that I know there's an incorrect semicolon in the very first sentence. #copyeditorquirks

Agreed. The use of such a well-loved phrase instantly evokes a feeling of familiarity, just like starting a story with "Once upon a time...."

Just checked out the IMDB for that Looper movie because the guns looked quite cool, and it appears to be...terrible. Just really bad. Maybe the blurb is just poorly written, but the concept just sound ridiculous. And Joseph Gordon-Levitt seems like the least-likely person in the world to be a terrifying assassin.

Oddly, that's not Maleficent, although that was my first thought too. She's actually the Wicked Queen from Snow White (hence the apple); Maleficent is from Sleeping Beauty.

Agreed. I don't care if it's terrible—it got added to my Netflix list the minute I saw the headline.

You mean "Wicked"?

I disliked the book (which I have read at least four times in an attempt to fall in love with it) intensely, and when I recently saw the musical I loved it. It wasn't that the book was dark—what's wrong with that? I can't imagine someone complaining about that—it was that it was ridiculously over-written. You could…

We still have hearts?!! I had no idea! I thought those went the way of the dinosaur with this glorious "upgrade" to Kinja or Ninja or whatever they're calling it.

Someone has GOT to come up with a fix for Safari! This is killing me.

This queen and her king are Team Obama as well. Obamacare for everyone!

How about, "Then why aren't you up here on stage telling jokes if you think you can do better?" Or "Hey, if you don't like it, finish your drink and get the hell out!" Or anything that doesn't make it sound like you are threatening someone with being raped by all the men sitting around her.

Huh? Send him off to school. He'll be five or six years old, and it's free. That's quite different than trying to find a babysitter who won't charge you $20 an hour to drink all your liquor.

Yup, it's normal for a big city nowadays. The standard in Honolulu a few years ago was $15-20 an hour. I moved to a tiny town in the South and have managed to find one reliable, nice teenager who will do it for $10. Babysitting is a booming business now. It's insane how expensive it is.

LOL! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who is pissed as hell that I have to fast-forward through two minutes of his shitty show before I get to watch John Stewart.

I agree that he was almost certainly getting at the "How insane are these jokes? Of course rape isn't funny!" point—I'll buy that. However, I think making fun of rape in general (or any terrible thing) is quite different than pointing at a specific, single person and saying, "That one woman right there should be…

Is that the deal with why Dane Cook is so completely hated on here? I've never seen him live, but his tv stuff is quite hilarious. I've never understood the venom against him.