Caffeine turns me into a deranged fiend. I cannot stop talking, I worry about everything, and I have no filter so I will literally say anything to anyone and then have to live with the consequences. It’s like being drunk, but a really hyper and ambitious drunk.

My guess would be to find transcriptions of the speeches (or transcribe them yourself) and then just do a search in Word.

My predictions for where they’ll all be at age 30:

I want to punch Maddie most of the time. I have this whole vision of her being twenty eight years old and it FINALLY dawns on her that she’s not the special-est little snowflake in the pile, and then she turns into a Norma Desmond-esque ashed up angry alcoholic has-been.

Abby will fit right in

Def Melissa. She's the worst. Not crazy about Jill either.

Holy crap, she’s amazing. I wish more people in the world of football had the balls this woman does.

I live in a community that is about half white and half black, and that’s what our Catholic school population is — half white and half black. Not everything is racially motivated. I know reading Gawker makes us all feel that way, but they’re just trying to upset us with click bait.

Honestly, I never even put much thought into it. I have three teens, and I have always let the adult they are addressing decide what they want to be called. If someone wants to be called “Mr. Johnson,” then Mr. Johnson it is. If they prefer “Alex”, then that’s what it will be. I even have a friend who my kids call…

I am a 50 year old woman and a city councilman in my town. Our mayor is almost 80 and calls me “kiddo.” He thinks he’s being playful and cute. I call him “gramps” and he finds that less cute.

If I had a dog that made sounds like that, I would toss his ass out and feed him to the bears. #teambigdogs

Also what does unrapeable even mean? Rape is about power, it’s not about sex. Jesus.

Oh, sorry. I just re-read your comment and I totally get it now. Sorry about the misunderstanding.

Asking to be paid what you’re worth isn’t being greedy. It’s how business works. I am a film maker and my husband is a composer, and it’s astonishing to me how many people expect us to work for free. I don’t expect my mechanic to fix my car for free. I don’t expect the grocery store to give me free milk. But for some…

Oh god that’s exactly how I look/act/feel on the first day of school when I can finally have the house to myself.

Um, not sanctioned rapes. I know it’s not sanctioned by the government, but I also don’t see the Indian authorities putting those elders’ asses in jail for gang rape.

Although the customer sounds like an absolute jagoff, I kind of feel like throwing a cup of coffee in Ali Cornish’s face as well. She needs to caaaalllmmmm down.

Umm, her named is spelled “Ashlee” so really no one should be surprised by the font.

When I was 10, I was late for school and threw my lunch together in a frantic rush. When I got to school I realized that, instead of the can of juice I intended to pack, I had grabbed one of my brother’s Old Styles.

Kar-mull.