This. Oh my god this. I have been coaching soccer for half my adult life, and I think this should be required viewing for every asshole coach I've gone up against. I cannot tell you how many grown men I have heard berating their players, taunting their opponents, and actually coaching their players to commit fouls…

Actually, the first thing you need to do to properly brush your beard is to grow a fucking beard in the first place, and not whatever that thing on your face is.

Every time I see a panda, it just looks like a guy in a panda suit to me.

Wow that's brutal. One of my friends had a very well-adjusted 8 year old son (honest!) who was asked to draw a picture of what he loved most about the small town we live in. He drew an identifiable picture of our quaint little downtown in the fall. He colored the leaves orange, what with it being fall and all. …

You're exactly right. I don't see how anyone can think that these rules aren't completely sexist. I mean, creating a rule that says you have to have a certain number of girls implies that we are somehow dragging the team down. I mean, I guess I get it, but still.

...calling every female you know trying to bribe at least 3 of them to show up to an indoor soccer game they don't give a shit about so they can stand in front of the net for 20 minutes

The guys on our team were fine too. But unfortunately, all it takes is one or two jerks on either side to make a game significantly less fun.

Well, I can't speak for all girls, but I can tell you my story.

I love how you rat out his full name but hide behind an alias for yourself. Fucking loser.

Ha! Awesome piece of satire!

How did nobody see this coming? It is quite possibly the most horrible and misogynistic idea I can even imagine. Not to mention dangerous.

If the good guys were armed with meat cleavers, this never would have happened.

Omigod I love this woman. Hilarious.

No, parking spots can only be dibs-ed with old dining room furniture.

It's totally Minnesota.

Fielding a bunt? Totally sounded like "feeling a butt" to me the first couple times I heard it.