I find myself obsessing over the ratty hair extensions because I just can't process the rest of the outfit.

Tonic water has about the same amount of sugar, ounce for ounce, as grapefruit juice. “Contains sugar” is different from “tastes sweet.” Even straight lemon juice contains sugar, but if you described it as sweet, people would think you’d dropped a brick from your load.

If your tonic is sweet, you’re doing it wrong. Tonic is flavored with quinine, which has to be in the top five list of the bitterest tastes on the planet. Also, as with many hard liquors, if your gin doesn't taste good, you might not be spending enough on it.

Oooof.

I don’t know how to evaluate “most kids who are homeschooled for religious reasons.” The ones I got were pretty great (2-year public college), but a lot of them came from families that belonged to large nondenominational churches that were not extreme in their social beliefs, no matter how missionary their…

I’ve taught a lot of homeschooled kids once they hit college, and I doubt you would be able to tell which ones were homeschooled any more than you would be able to guess which ones were only children. My students got homeschooled for all kinds of reasons — religion, yes, but also because they were being bullied or had…

This is why “The Litany of Earth,” in which Lovecraft’s monsters become the good guys, worked so well for me.

Man, life was so much better in the old days pre-text, pre-email and pre-social media, where we dumped each other and either did or didn’t stay friends, and if it was awkward/painful, you never had to see or speak to that person again or know anything about their life at all.

Could be.

What does “might make a decent porn picture, as the gals do seem kinda hot” mean to you?

“The plot hangs at a few points later in the script. These would be great opportunities to have group sex scenes.”

Little known fact: The only country where it’s more dangerous to be a journalist than Mexico... is Syria.

“Brisk pace, fun banter, distinct characters who develop into real people, reminds us of two movies that were wildly successful...but nah, the only way we’re watching a movie about four women is if they take their clothes off.”

I know a family whose first child was born with an inherited genetic abnormality that condemned it to a painful, lingering death while still a baby. Once they learned they were carriers, they decided they would have to abort any future fetus with the this abnormality, to spare their child the suffering. But of course,…

Nah, I'm just old.

My kid was assigned “Part-Time Indian” in her high school English class. I was all YOU WILL LOVE THIS.

Oh my god, I posted a joke about our heat wave using the words “climate” and “change” and men from all over the world couldn’t wait to weathersplain how what I was experiencing was totally normal for the season. Amazing how they were able to detect my comfort level from thousands of miles away.

Lesbians would want to be rather butch and leisurely

I met Zendaya’s dad, and he seemed to have both feet firmly on the ground. Since I am now two degrees of separation from Zendaya, I am rooting for her to avoid the Disney curse.