This is the correct answer, also gets that critical tie in with Susan G. Komen they already did this year.

Softy McSoftface

Pirelli Jelly.

Hear me out here, because this actually works:

But why not just shift the scale and name them what they are?

Thanks for this.

Always ride with your high beam on!

Canadian Road Rage.

But for the Memorial Day reference, I would have thought that this was Canadian.

This seems like something that would happen in Canada.

My god this is so wrong. Like, REALLY wrong. Except for the CiCi’s part.

Conservatives:
My business is successful because of my personal accomplishments.
My business failed because of your politics.

Companies like Papa John’s will do everything in their power to deflect blame away from where it should lie if it involves altering what they do in any significant way. More palatable to blame black folks kneeling than to spend more money on better ingredients, or more training, or whatever it would actually take to…

Did he ever stop to think that maybe sales dropped because their pizza costs more than the other major chains but does not taste any better? Folks are broke these days.

Don’t eat Papa John’s. He’s still a racist, but he just wants to be less overt about it. It’s not for nothing that Nazi numbnuts chose his pizza

I thought the alt-right already had an official greasy, orange pile of garbage that makes your stomach cramp just by looking at it

Damn the welds. I chip it to 1,350ºF and straight pipe it with a resonator. Has a really good note when flowing at full steam.

What’s your preferred boiler temperature? Some guys like 1,300ºF, but I prefer 1,230ºF. I don’t like what 1,300ºF does to the welds over time.

Can’t wait to use the term “balls out” in conversation on a regular basis.