I haven't said anything to you, or any other readers. My original comment was to the journalist of the piece who obviously does know her name, & could have easily included it in the headline. I don't know what part of that you find objectionable.

All of this. Perfect summation of the damage they inflict. So sorry you went through that - but thank you for sharing your experience to try help others. x

Everything she wrote in that text describes a classic abuser. From his moodiness to making her leave an event she was enjoying because he was angry about some imaginary flirting to his double standards = this is what being abused sounds like. Some abusers never physically assault their victims - but meanwhile they are…

oh, no. here in the States - Florida, to be precise.

Oh my God, THIS. My guy was abusive, but when he found out about a previous sexual assault, played on the idea that I was a whore & deserved it, & upped the sexual shaming aspect. So damn manipulative.

All the classic signs of an abuser. Isolating the victim from her support base by making trouble at an important gathering (more bang for buck - get 'em all at once), projection and jealousy, moods that turn on a dime. That poor woman. She obviously got wise that he wasn't worth it, dumped him and paid the ultimate…

The deceased girlfriends name is Reeva Steenkamp. I normally love your writing Erin, but this heading is not one of these moments.

Came here to say the same thing: this is the kind of message I sent to my abuser over and over and over, hoping it would strike a change in him somehow, that he would somehow start to understand what he was doing to me...the constant accusations, the humiliation, the eggshells always under my feet. Never out-and-out…

Not self-doubt - abuse. If I gained your trust and then started tearing you down, bit by bit, that would be on me, not you.

It seems to be victim-blaming to a violent extreme. Since habitual abusers typically don't take responsibility for their own actions, then it follows that they'd believe their partners brought other people's abuse on themselves, as well as their own. I've especially noticed this with sexual assault, where the abuser…

I'm confused about how you were able to write this whole article without once using the words "abuse" or "domestic violence". Those words need more circulation, and I'm disappointed they didn't get any here. If you're going to approach this tragedy with such an irreverent tone (her name is Reeva Steenkamp, by the way,…

Because maybe I'm making too big a deal of it. Because maybe he's right. Because he's sick/going through a rough patch. Because maybe it won't happen again. Because maybe I did do something wrong.

Because that's what victims in abusive relationships do. They keep going back for a variety of reasons such as "I can change him", "he's really a good guy, he just has anger issues", "he apologized and he's said it wouldn't happen again", "that's just a little part of who he is and it's not so bad, the rest of him…

Well, I wonder if his father still wants to pin the murder on the 'fact' that Whites feel unsafe and aren't protected by the ANC from dangerous Blacks, therefore Oscar shot Reeva?

And at the same time a black woman might be put away for 60 years because she fired a warning shot to scare off her aggressive husband.

Because leaving an abuser is very often deadlier than staying with them, likely.

I'm an attorney who works for a DV program. This exact message could have been sent by nearly all of my clients. Control (and its subsets, including jealousy, isolation, humiliation) are the overriding reality for victims and survivors of domestic violence, and they are all up there in that message. The violence is…

Welcome to abusive relationships, where the abuser usually starts out as charming and can turn the charm on when they want, and gaslighting makes you think when they lash out it's your fault.

Because love can be very irrational and lead to poor life choices.

She may have well have been describing my ex boyfriend. He abused me after finding out that another man tried to assault me. Glad I left him...definitely didn't feel safe around him.