Well I'm 34 and still haven't figured out how the hell to work those eyelash curler contraptions. Damn torture devices make no difference!

And this is why I'm not a parent...

That gif just made my life.

Perhaps my favorite gif of all time.

A boy version of Cher Horowitz who still must be fed like a baby bird.

You can take Bill and Eric, just give me more Alcide and Sam. With or without their shifting capabilities.

I'm sure there could be something to that. Similar to the narrative of "guys are always in the mood for sex any time day or night."

See? My "buy your son some lubricant" suggestion could be good!

Ah. True, there might be some double-standard-i-ness going on there. The only thing I would say is that {based on anecdotal evidence} boys start masturbating early and don't have as much of an issue of "it's not working" or "I don't think I'm doing this right" as girls do. A conversation of giving a teenage girl a…

Maybe some lubricant?

I LOVE Betty Dodson.

Some of us did have parents who talked about it. Who told us it was sinful, that it was shameful, that it was unnatural and disgusting. That they knew we did it in secret, and that God was watching and we couldn't hide. That our bodies were not our own, that our thoughts were not our own, and that we were letting…

Quite true.

Well, he couldn't have known how royally Joffrey would have fucked everything up by executing Ned. By then it was too late. Maybe he got Joffrey out of the way so he could start over as Regent for Tommen?

Is it weird that I now sort of want to send this out as my Save the Date?

I feel like HBO has this set template — a horrifying 9th episode that sends you reeling {Ned's death, Blackwater, Red Wedding} with an ending that leaves you hanging with a sick feeling, then one more episode to show the aftermath of that. I think it kind of works. Putting the Purple Wedding as the last episode of the…

Ooh ooh ooh — what if it were Tywin? It's pretty plain that he's always thought Joffrey was a little shit who ruined everything because of his impulsiveness. AND there were those scenes between Tywin and Olenna. Could be a stretch, but won't Tywin take over the throne at least temporarily, like Ned did when Robert was…

Held it in until we were on our way home. Plenty of side-eyeing in the boy's direction, though.

Happens to the best of us.

I wish! If this had happened before Jon Oliver got his HBO gig, I wonder what he would have chosen to do...