Kerrigan emerged from the attack comparatively unscathed.

You get sympathy right up until you have some meathead kneecap someone.

Lennay is such a pretty name. You must be very happy.

Lucky dude has a girlfriend to boot.

That’s the best humblebrag I’ve read in years.

I call drinking a fifth of vodka in the morning a “Saturday.”

Not wanting it to go to waste, I did a quarter ounce of cocaine, fucked my wife’s sister like I’ve always wanted to, called my boss and called him an old bald cocksucker, then burned my house down for fun.

That makes ‘Harold & Kumar’ his third act.

Still interests me more than anything other than hockey right now

If only he had millions of dollars to fall back on

That’s so cute. Now they both have more rings than the Dodgers.

can they kill Carl though?

Best bit:

You are right. Its wrong. You are a fucking degenerate. You are the problem with the world today. Good god, what an asshole.