Give that back to Nicki Minaj, Kim.

I would never watch this movie cause I'm sure it'd make me vomit and/or faint(I recently fainted during a *discussion* of a particularly rough childbirth) but I imagine you felt the same kind of glee I do when making someone watch Die You Zombie Bastards.

Pie Sammy. Don't forget the pie.

I'm from the U.S., and my mom made us Chicken Fried Steak a few times when I was a kid. However she made it really poorly, so until Google came along I definitely wasn't sure WHAT it was.

As a New Englander who can't stand chicken fried steak, even I find this appalling.

They may take our lives, but they'll never take our right to drink drawn butter.

I'm going to need a .gif of Jessica Williams slow clapping, stat.

How dare you suggest that women are people.

Why read when one can just look at the pictures?

Have you seen the movie Pain and Gain? It's on Netflix. Upon watching it I chose to rename it 'The Quintessential Adventures of Florida Mans' because it's so, so Florida.

Thank you, Mark, for making me laugh super hard just now, twice. Also thank you, Universe, for making me very aware of my diva cup at almost all times of insertion. Maybe I didn't sleep well last night, but I sure as shit won't forgetfully go more than 12 hours without resetting the plug.

I fucking love them.

I, too am disappointed that Gawker employees appear to have never met a sailor before.

Wow, nothing says "I am a classy bro who is most definitely about to be famous" like repeatedly tweeting what amounts to 'lol ur fat'.

It sounds crazy but it JUST MIGHT WORK!

Staring contest!

Once upon a time, I suffered a job in real estate. I hated it. I helped rent shitty apartments in nice parts of the city for insufferable people. Shortly before I quit, I rented out an apartment to someone that apparently I didn't look closely enough at. She came in to our office, filled out our paperwork, and handed…

Oh man, similar thing happened to me. Only I had been on vacation for a week, and my replacement wasn't at my desk, she was still in orientation. But I'd seen them interviewing. I'd hoped very much that the help I had asked for over the past two years was finally being hired, but nope.

Why the hell didn't the guy who got sent out call 911? jeez.

If only he'd brought a gun. Texas, amirite?