I don't jones after Obama, but when I see him looking at Michelle, I realize that's how I want my partner to look at me.

Something like this?:

Look, I will just break down what we're thinking and pretending we're not here:

That's the part that annoys me the most. Don't eat bread or nuts or whatever—I don't care, it's your body. But don't try to pretend you have a degree in Anthropology.

I would rather just not eat cheese than eat low-fat cheese. And I eat more cheese than a cartoon mouse.

No. Low fat cheese is horrifying.

Speed is never a cause of death in an accident. Suddenly becoming stationary? That is what gets you.

Except Chris Kluwe's numbers are there for anyone to look at. And Tebow's abysmal performance is right there in the numbers as well. Not only that, but Tebow is understandable given the history of scrambling QBs that were good in college not being able to make it in the NFL, as well as the Heisman curse, all of which…

It's a good theory, but I don't think it makes complete sense. Priefer wouldn't cut you because he'd be afraid that he'd catch AIDS.

I'm fairly sure Janelle Monae actually exists in the future and appears to us in our time through some kind of weird temporal bubble.

They are killing endangered species, though. They have become a huge worry in places with delicate ecosystems, but even in the US they're decimating a number of species. It doesn't really fall to the "natural cycle of life" when there are so very, very many cats out there that are protected by their human companions,…

Voldemort really tried to hide that last horcrux, didn't he?

"You got to marry these girls when they are about 15 or 16, they'll pick your ducks. You need to check with mom and..."

You know about the tiny red crabs?! I've tried to explain this to people and they look at me as if I'm deranged. But then, I'm also from the Carolinas so maybe it's a mid-Atlantic oyster thing. The tiny crunchy crabs are delicious.

I don't get it: What women are these people hanging out with?! If they think that all guys are into having casual hook-ups but no women are then WHO THE HELL ARE ALL THE GUYS HOOKING UP WITH?!

I hate it when I find out I don't exist. :(

This. Entirely, exactly, this.

Yup if you're titled you can pretty much dress like a tit.

Nope. Hideous.

Her name makes her sound like a Harry Potter character.