I think the biggest problem with moose is that they have poor eyesight.

"...he came out to give me a so called 'Leith massage,' which is essentially being bashed."

The way he fondles his own pom pom tho

You regularly tell people they're fat idiots, and you want to complain about people calling you a cunt and "other aspersions"?

Tomorrow's story: Car's owner found with huge spider attached to face.

The worst would be the realization that what you see is just the cast off skin. The spider is probably still in the car.

I just finished teaching Of Mice and Men to one of my classes - began my last lesson with this on the screen:

And then you woke up.

My boyfriend went to Las Vegas for a bachelor party weekend and it was the first time we'd been apart for that long (it was only 3 days but it felt longer). When he got home we had the hottest steamiest straight out of a movie kinda sex, clothes being ripped off, passion, rough and tender, the works! !! It also was…

YOUR MOVE, SUGAR FREE GUMMY BEARS.

I have a defibrillator in my chest. Before flying I called the airport, my cardiologist, and researched myself online how it should be handled. I didnt expect anyone to just know. Even though my problem is leaps and bounds more common than having to deal with a transgender person.

Oh, fuck that. There is nothing wrong with a woman having a penis, but to say that it isn't incongruous is totally disingenuous.

oh my god fuck this "outrage." You look like a woman and you have an unknown cylindrical object hidden in your pants.
If you want to do away with the TSA then lets do it, but lets not pretend that there's a solution out there that gives trans people the exact same experience as non-trans people without endangering…

Yeah. That's the joke.

For behold, these things which have been made manifest unto me trouble my soul. I think we should have a day on Jalopnik where all paragraphs begin this way. For lo, it is written.

weirdly enough, this looks more interesting initially based off what info I have now.

Go back to your yurt, Shaileen Woodley!

Donald Sterling once left a kid hanging, but only because he misinterpreted the "black tie" stipulation of a formal event and brought a noose instead.