Thanks to David and Brandon for making this weekend the greatest automotive experience of my life thus far. The Briarwood will always be the anchor of my future fleet of shit boxes and I owe it all to you guys.

A lot of jacking but no jumping, sadly. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Why do you need Oil Drillers to learn to go into space when you can teach Astronauts how to do it?

Did you see Putin offer Comey political asylum? Dude is trolling the shit out of all of us, Dumpster Fire included.

Putin goofed on him TODAY! He offered James Comey diplomatic immunity. Hahahahaha!!!

Putin is many things but he’s not prematurely bald. He’s 64. Most Russian men are dead by 64, so he is #winning.

Indeed, finally we agree on something, Donnie!

Kim Jong-un is grateful there’s at least one world leader whose hairdo is worse than his own.

You’re thinking of his global warming denialist, coal-humping predecessor Tony Abbott.

Sure, why not, 45 and conservatives are so accepting of fat, old, outspoken women, and I can see why she would want to embrace them.

Roseanne Barr can fuck off.

Nah. Fuck her, and fuck everyone facilitating her getting a bigger platform and money for her hateful rhetoric. She has been a shitty person for a long time and has gotten louder and prouder about it the past couple of years. Let’s not normalize her beliefs and validate her followers.

I’ve seen The Color Purple multiple times and even I forgot Steven Spielberg directed that one. It’s so closely associated with Whoopi Goldberg and Oprah Winfrey and blackness in general that the white director kinda gets forgotten, at least in the circles I’m in.

The point that Steven Spielberg directs far, far, far more movies about men than women seems fair.

While seal clapping.

You know, I don’t hate the idea of a Universal Dark Universe and bringing back these old titles that made them as a studio. I just wish that they really took advantage of the opportunity and made truly contemporary versions of these classics. Tap into the original themes and give them to directors who thrive on small…

Somewhere, Nicole Kidman is reading this and cackling.

Baby steps. Let's try and get people used to metric before we throw in Newtons.