You are LOVELY. Let’s go make out. I’ll even let you touch my boobs.

Absolutely. Absolutely. It’s hard to deny that there’s a reactionary streak that runs through the feminist movement these days. And it’s the antithesis of liberal, open-minded progressivism. It’s explicitly conservative in its need to assert control. It’s a mindset that insists that we all sing from the same weary…

Right? I’m so tired of playing these self-defeating games. I’m tired of shitting on people for screwing up, and I’m tired of shitting on myself when I screw up.

If no animal has been killed or harmed in the production of it, what would be the objection? I know some vegetarians aren’t into meat for flavoral and textural reasons, but if that isn’t an issue for you, why not?

Blush not! Own your excellence! Every time I come across a comment laying down fabulously laconic knowledge on Jezebel, I glance back up at the name and—yup—it’s Snake. KEEP GOING.

I don’t think his support should be met with disapproval or frustration. It takes teamwork to change ingrained inequality like this.

I know there are a lot of folks hissing about knights and their shining armour, and our apparent shortage of cookies to give, but man, I am happy for the helping hand. I’m glad to have Cooper on board, using his skills and position to keep pushing that line forward. I want more men to stand up and join him.

I’m minded to write a strongly-worded spitball and aim it directly at those chintzy motherfuckers.

Me too. That weird feeling of encountering someone you never knew about before, but recognizing them in the space between heartbeats. It’s like, “Of course. Here you are. We’ve been waiting for you.”

You know it, kid. And man, Lafayette makes those epaulettes look so fly, doesn’t he? Sexy French mutha.

I’m sure the Cherokee people would heartily agree.

Nice. You knew I’d like that. And I really don’t want them to take Alexander Hamilton off the ten, because the fact that there’s a hardscrabble abolitionist immigrant on the tenner is right and good and just. Immigrants get the job done, man. Money should recognize.

I mean, even in the annals of terrible people, Andrew Jackson stands out as a real piece of shit. Even Genghis Khan is like, “Motherfucker has ISSUES.” Even Vlad the Impaler is like, “What is your major malfunction, dude?” Even Nero is like, “Bro, you really need to chill.”

I just want Andrew Fucking Jackson off the twenny. I mean, I know, genocidal psychos need representation too, but seriously, fuck that dude.

I grew up in the UK, but my dad is from the States, and when I was a kid, my parents sent me to summer camp in Maine so I could get acquainted with my paternal roots. (And also because I was a total pain in the ass. And also because I had just started playing the cello, and my mother absolutely fucking refused to be…

Well, it works brilliantly for what it’s designed for, which is to prevent moisture loss and protect against environmental damage. But petroleum jelly isn’t so good at adding moisture to already-dry skin. You want oils and emollients and humectants for that.

I first heard about it when Michael Ian Black interviewed the composer/star Lin-Manuel Miranda on his How To Be Amazing podcast. Miranda was so irrepressibly cheerful and funny and modest and charming that he makes you want to spend your whole life swimming around in his honest enthusiasm.

Will you come and tell me what you thought of it when you do see it? Please? Will you bookmark this page and let me know if it made you happy? I want to share in your joy, girl!

See, I do have sympathy for them! So much. I’m like, “Awww, you poor folks! I feel so badly that you don’t know about Miranda and Goldsberry and the whole Hamilton story yet. Because a radical, joyous, seismic shift in history is happening right now and you are missing it. You are missing out, my babies.”

I am SO INTO Lin-Manuel Miranda and Renee Elise Goldsberry being featured in Tweet Beat. It feels so right. It’s how the world was meant to be.