Illiterate Idiot. The word is "hostess".

" It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."

THIS WOMARTICLE IS WOFFENSIVE TO MY DELICATE MANSIBILITIES. I WILL MANFULLY MANFLUENCE WHATEVER I WANT. I DIDN'T MANAGE (ha) TO MANDURE THE HARDSHIPS OF MANHOOD IN THE MANSLUMS OF MARS TO HAVE MY MANFLUENCING UNDERMINED IN THIS WAY.

I love my wife. And I will never, EVER, poop in her presence.*

It is true, tho, before that movie I was all 'wow that seems like a truly wonderful thing to go up in outer space and see what a beautiful, fragile world we live in and think about how mystifying the infinite, wondrous power of the universe is; I would truly give anything to experience that, even for one heartbeat of…

As a married man, I feel I must help out this inquiring soul:

Why do you get to blame being moody for two days a month on your "period", but I can't be a dick when I want to watch football when you want to make me do stupid things, like go to your "niece's communion"?

Liberal minded fellows from higher latitudes! Tired of all that wind and snow? Dreading your heating bills come winter? Afflicted with rickets from the lack of sunlight in your area/windowless pantry advertised as cozy apartment? Move to the South! Rents are cheap, AC is included, and with enough of you we can break…

but how do we sleep while our beds are burning?

Almost a literal Stairway to Heaven.

Clearly his mother drove to much and he was born retarded.

Probably only the women who use their vaginas to shift...otherwise our lady dicks don't hurt when we drive.

Tian Tian reminds me of the guy I lost my virginity to.

That first sentence is like an Escher drawing with words. I know what she's saying, but I have to bend my mind to get there.