My takeaway was HAHA BITCH I ALREADY HAVE THAT KITCHENAID STAND MIXER AND I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO GET MARRIED FOR IT because my family is lovely and loves my homemade baked goods.

It’s handcrafted by artisans in a rural hose community.

I have never before been rendered apoplectic with rage by a “straw”. The proverbial back breaker, I guess.

Sometimes a rolled up hundred dollar bill just isn’t fancy enough.

You’re curious about it so it must be working!

if she will get pregnant, will she fire herself??

I still consider it a dick move to propose during someone else’s wedding, even if the bride said it was okay. It’s quite likely that the bride felt pressured to say yes in order to keep the peace or avoid drama before the wedding.

It always has been. Stern is a great interviewer.

I used to be super into the Ouija board back in the day. Did my science fair project on it where I had volunteers use the ouija board while I asked randomly generated math questions. It had over %50 accuacy, strangely enough, which freaked the fuck out of my classmates.

well she is his Barbie doll

Hey Kris! Lock down Momopath and Momster while you’re at it!

Well so, the part about doctors not testing is absolutely true. My sister got Lyme at the age of 8, and shit got incredibly bad. The doctors were like ~ it’s a virus~ but no specific virus? My mom was like these kids hang out in the woods for like 6 hours a day, could it be Lyme? They were like lol u silly woman, you…

Dude, I can’t feel my face.

*sisters' looks. Not that I'm trying to be mean, but she was about ten at the time.

As an airline worker, I can tell you it’s ludicrous because no airline is going to take off precious payload to make weight-room for a bunch of unidentified nefarious chemicals. It’s one thing to not be too trusting, but you should expect even malicious motives to be consistent and make sense.

This. I live in Minnesota. I know a girl who can’t walk anymore due to Lyme. And now my sister’s got it too. You’re pushing some buttons, homie.

Of course it’s hacked, it says ‘on my 15 minute drive to WORK.

When I imagine her “doing school”, I’m picturing a box of crayons and those workbooks that my mom bought me when I was about 5, that have basic math problems and connect the dots.

Kylie, I’mma let you finish, but David Icke’s Lizard People was the best conspiracy theory of the year.

Is “chicken” code for “lip fillers”?