I don’t want it to happen but I kind of do.

“We don’t care!” yelled supporters in the crowd

Getting tackled by a girl is nothing to be ashamed of. Now getting tackled by a kicker...

Welcome to Jalopnik, Mr. Pence.

It’s for all the scary clowns this year.

Sadly, he had no idea what to do when he reached third base

+1.21 GW

the Super Bowl trophy goes to people who had to win a game fair and square

So those Muslims you claim to have seen celebrating the towers falling were disgusting, but it’s okay for you to brag about it if it makes your penis metaphor sound bigger. Duly noted.

I am a son, brother, husband, and father to the women and girls in my life

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

Dak feels like he could take on the entire Empire himself!

Ashley Feinberg is a goddamn national treasure

Official statement by Ryan Lochte:

If my baton hand-off efforts were interrupted by the stroke of a hot Brazilian, I’d probably lose control and just wildly toss it as well.

Dear Chase, I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so alike. I’d like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you but I think you’d be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither.…

The random businessman who walks into the match with no socks on looks like the politest idiot on the field ever.