Elena:  Putting Aziz Ansari’s pic up with monsters like R. Kelly, Bill Cosby, and Harvey Weinstein is pretty fucked up.  

This shit is under oath.  Lying under oath, as opposed to being weaselly and evasive, carries serious, serious penalties that aren’t easy to evade.  Whatever shits dude may or may not give, it’s hard not to believe him.

Everything I needed to learn about being a proper villain (who loses), I learned from Wile. E. Coyote (super-genius).

I’m a soft-hearted...nay, mushy-hearted guy. If I watch the near-end of Lord of the Rings—“no, my friends. You bow to no one,” I cry like a motherfucker. If I watch the end of Babe—“that’ll do, pig. That’ll do,” it’s full-on ugly crying, snot coming out my damn nose, bawling and breathing in spasms and huffs.

Yeah!  Except that dude (Rodriguez) had that thing go exactly where it needed to be.  So, crazy ball+future sight?

Yeah, show me a Russian who’s vegetarian enough to qualify for Airbending.  And yet...

“Involuntary muscle spasm.”  That’s some beautiful trolling.

One word answer: Witchcraft.

This is the Kinja we need.

There’s a whole body of literature consisting of folk tales from the pre-medieval period where common people filled in the gaps in the Jesus saga. It has stories like 6 y.o. Jesus killing his playmate in a rage, getting reprimanded by the Virgin Mary, resurrecting his dead pal, and learning a valuable lesson about…

Well, fuck. DJ reset the bar for Dadding the right way. Maximum respect.

Bwah-ha-ha-haa! Word for word, you transcribed my thoughts exactly!

I can do nothing for you. Go forth, and live your best life.

Aw, come on, now. Animal House is a 40 year old movie like the moon landing was “some aviation shit from the ‘60s.” Technically not incorrect, but entirely blind to historical significance.

Yeah. This hurts, but so do the shots that keep you from dying of rabies. Keep up the treatment, Michael Harriot.

How??? How do people like you, super-commenters, manage to be so fucking clever, all the damn time??

Ashamed to say it took me a minute.

You speak only logical, reasonable truth.

Pretty sure a “push-kick” doesn’t clip an opponent sharply on the jaw.

It really is solid advice.