First, Trump makes me nostalgic for the Bush eras, and now he makes me feel bad for Shinzo fucking Abe???!? Goddamn, we really are living in the Upside-Down.

The defense now presents the following mitigating evidence:

Dafuq is this doing with only 36 stars (as of this comment)?

Holy shit, criminally understarred.

The California vegetarian is a goddamn blessing, and I’m several animal devourings a day from being a vegetarian. Treat it like the flatbread appetizer that it is, and order 2 or 3 for your party, in addition to main courses (other Domino pizzas, potluck, whatever) and wait for rave reviews.

Yeah, he was like John Oliver, but from a blacker perspective.

You know, I’ve always liked Bomani Jones. But I only just realized right now that the man is a national treasure.

Wouldn’t be the first time. I have a very strong physical resemblance to the Hamburglar.

My TV role models for what a man should be like were Edward Mulhare’s Captain Gregg and Patrick McNee’s John Steed. Looking back, I could have done a lot worse.

And we all know which Steiner is the best at math...

Only if Richardson eats Collins’ head for the extra point.

Sorry, I didn’t see that. I really didn’t mean to pile on.

...but the driver’s name is Mohamed Ahmed Abu-Shlieba. The only thing off was that Arolpin added an extra “m” to his name. And given that there are a dozen ways to spell Mohamed (as evinced by your spelling it Muhammed), I’m pretty sure that’s a non-issue.

Everyone loves the comic, but God bless the straight man.

Yeah, she could have slipped in a line about white Christians being “traduced by Popish Persons” without disturbing her uniquely ‘Merican style of paranoid flow.

Omigosh! Great minds meme alike! Well, not exactly alike—your Fury Road gif far outshines my static fish-and-hook...

Pontiffs HATE him!

Technically the most Jets would be the Giants going 1-15, grabbing the QB of the future and letting him marinate for a year while Eli puts up good swan song numbers, before not having his contract renewed, then signing with the Jets for $40M over two years, doing a thousand humble pieces on how he’s bringing Super…

Did Lin’s response to Martin move the needle on your opinion of his “dreadlocks” at all? I don’t have the genetics to grow dreads, and I’m PI brown, not black, so my opinion is neither super-informed, nor even particularly relevant. I’m just curious as to what the final position of the Root’s readers will be on…