UPDATE: Family Identified

Thanks Bev, now Deadspin has been blocked by IT because I lol'd a little too ol. +1

[Reads comment section top to bottom]

"Jesus, me, and Mary! Please don't let Jerry see this."

Petrino reads: Accidentally Shoots It In Girlfriend, Says He Was Aiming For Hog

Overheard at the Fayetteville Glamour Shots

That shits Kray

+1

Griffin has a sense of entitlement

"$14,000 may seem like a lot of money but honestly that will only keep me in Crest White Strips for 2... 3 weeks tops. Just sayin."

"I will never let something go by that is a bully. That's why, even though Zo's nuts were banging against my head, I held on... and those were some huge fucking nuts man!"

TEBOW PRESS CONFERENCE

"IT WAS TIM TEBOW!! T-E-B-O-W! It's why I jacked it. I had to stand while I beat it. It's why I worked it so hard. I'm pretty sure I ripped it though"

"I screwed your sister... I lost my job 6 mths ago and we been living off our savings... I hate our stupid kids... I never should have married you bitch..."

Reporter: "Peyton, what do you think of the Colts chances with Andrew Luck under center?"

Photo #5 - Aaron Spelling spotted the photo of a young Stacy Keach and immediately hired him for the starring role in the remake of Mickey Spillane's "Mike Hammer"

... wasted good money on shitty ass bird plates from the Pottery Barn

"I'm just a player. I'm a player at heart, and that doesn't mean only on the field, that means off the field. I recognize where I see things … I'm going to do the best I can to check it and make sure I am on the same page as my teammates, I am giving my all. … I just call it like I see it. I try not to say too much…

The witnesses were disappointed when Slowik was finally subdued. The beautiful aria emanating from the officer's throat slowly devolved into a disconcertingly repetitive whisper of 'Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus'.

As riveting as it is to watch two 5th grade substitute English teachers in a verbal sparing match, I really think you guys should finish this thread over at Jezebel.