EXACTLY. I’m only excited that someone else is paying if I get to eat what I want in a sufficient quantity. If you want to order for me and leave me hungry at the end of the meal, you’d better be paying, this is clearly more for you than me.

Veronica Lake is one of my favorite old film stars. She was known as a truly awful person to work or put up with, but she’s just so damn lovely to watch onscreen.

Absolutely. It’s the only item on this list that I feel strongly enough that I would feel motivated to write in about it. Don’t do me any favors, just follow the fucking rules!

“Curvier” has always until recently just meant “big breasts,” and even those weren’t popular through the 20's. Hourglass figures, once those became fashionable, still required the tiny waists and flat tummies provided by shapewear or overall thinness. It becomes really obvious when you look at the pictures in…

Lol yeah, it’s gonna be real great when he hooks up with... Dustin?

90% of advice column asks fall into the “Do I really have to talk to my loved one about this?” camp or the “How do I talk to my loved one about this?” camp. The entire remaining 10% falls into the “You haven’t even tried talking about this yet, you’ve just been whining about it to everyone else to the point where…

I love all the characters (the under-20's especially), but I would gladly sign up for a full season of the Dustin & Lucas Show. Every single one of the kids is magic but those two are just the most fun to watch.

“Gay or 80's?” is the original flavor of which “Gay or European?” is the more-famous variation.

Mr. Wheeler is, I think, the only 100% unlikeable character on the show (at least this season - “Papa” also held that position last season). Everybody else who’s bad at least gets a funny line or a bit of backstory to make them fully human, so it’s funny that a guy who’s basically a guy we all know, truly the banalest…

I think you’ll find a good shit after you’ve been constipated to be superior to all three, something I assume TheRealBatman knows everything about.

The last one (about neighbors literally digging a tunnel into your apartment) is fucking me up good, especially as I’m about to move into my first rented accommodation in America (I’ve lived most of my adult life overseas and usually in apartments provided by my jobs). It’s gonna be real great trying to find an…

Non-documented persons on American soil have the same rights as American citizens, except those rights specifically delegated only to American citizens (like voting). This has been affirmed in courts of law time and time again, and at this point I’m wondering where the breakdown in communication is happening that so…

I love how 90% of the comments here are “Well, it’s not surprising,” as if your personal feeling of shock or lack thereof matters to anyone or has any bearing on the importance of this reporting.

If those five ratty-ass-t-shirt-wearing white boys aren’t the exact same morons who just got arrested and charged with murder for throwing a 20-pound rock off an overpass into traffic, they’re the spit of them. Or maybe teenage whiteboy thugs all look the same!

Right? One of the rocks they threw was TWENTY GODDAMN POUNDS. If they didn’t know you can kill someone doing this with some things you wouldn’t expect would be able to kill a person - didn’t someone die when an egg got tossed off an overpass? - they should, at the age when most of them can drive, understand that…

Sometimes I feel the lack of having no siblings (mostly because my parents are deeply weird, in not-a-fun-way, and I wish I had someone who understood what it was like growing up), but every day the universe finds some way to remind me how much I don’t actually want a sibling. Today, Ms. Markle Grant is the universe’s…

Not that you’d fuck him anyway, but imagine trying to have sex with someone while their mother’s eye stared at you out of their elbow pit. There’s not enough protection on earth to save you from the horror of that.

There’s also a lot of juices and snacks in that bathroom for me, a human being who prefers to do my shitting and my eating in distinct areas. And who stores their toothbrush IN the sink? Do you leave it there when you wash your hands, and let the soapy wastewater douse it?

He’d rather rage at a pregnant war widow than admit that he may have misspoken, the mushroom cloud will be rising over DC and he’ll still be shrieking that it’s everyone else’s fault.

Actually, news isn’t the toy surprise at the bottom of your cereal box. It doesn’t need to amuse you to be worth something.