Lol, sure, I’d be loudly “secure” too if I thought marrying some guy and holding down a job (at, my god, Estée Lauder) were some sort of diamond-clad hot-shit metrics of success. In fact, maintaining relationships and employment are just the basics of adulthood. I’ve managed it myself without leaving an embarrassing…

“Lol poor summer child, these girls put up with incredible indignities so that they can live lives of staggering middle-class mediocrity!”

I can’t tell you how many situations my (Boomer) mother has gotten herself into because, essentially, “they nagged me/I couldn’t say no.” Which is great for my mother because she loves to bitch about that shit for the next 30 years.

I had a friend (average US height but shorter than me) who did her study abroad in Japan. She loved the baths, but struggled to shave her legs in the tiny shower stalls.

True fact. I lived in a Muslim country 3 years ago. I first heard of ISIS the same month I came home, in August 2014. They obviously existed before then, but not in such a way you’d have heard of - because news in Sudan doesn’t fuck around. They are on top of every terrorist attack in a big way, and showing the…

I take issue with nothing you said except the implication that 45 goes to the bathroom 9, 15, or 23 times per day. The man eats nothing but late-night KFC. He goes to the bathroom once a fortnight as a result, and that’s a hill I’ll die on. “Full of shit” is not (just) a metaphor.

Just because sure-why-not seems to be deleting all comments that aren’t virtual blowjobs, allow me to paraphrase their comment here:

“Why work to be popular, when, like me, you could be odious and unliked with no effort at all?”

Amazing. Please be my friend/comedy partner.

How many applications to change one’s first name to Melania do you think are represented there?

I was about to say that that graphic is incredible because it shows how fair the allocation of ACA funds is, but was presumably shown for another purpose.

“I’m a drunk at 18, but my Daddy went here,” is quicker to say, but it doesn’t pack the same rhetorical punch, you know?

“I’m never getting farther than this, so these are my glory days.” Some people have college careers, some have high school careers. Some poor unfortunate souls have middle school careers. Most of us live and thrive past 25, and have real lives and the corresponding real careers.

Read - resume padding, brown-nosing, and nepotism.

It’s almost like the really well-adjusted and successful people can make friends on their own. And later, they can get jobs on their own, without leaning on Alpha Iota Gamma solidarity!

To be honest it never enters my mind - if I felt constipated all the time I’d try to fix it, but I don’t. I was almost 30 by the time I realized that was weird (Ken Jennings made a joke about a shit every morning being better than sex, and I intuited that that means most people shit every morning). It’s just whatever,…

I want to be your friend because “designated pooping location” is exactly the phrase I would have come up with if I had let my annoyance at the OP’s anecdote build up a head of steam.

I’m about to blow your mind - I poop like once every 3 days. Which is on the tail end of the bell curve of regular. So are you, but in the other direction.

Counter-anecdote: My most nervous male friend (so nervous he once went swimming with me and did “laps” by hand-over-handing along the side of the pool) once told me in a conversation about public restrooms that he is fine with public restrooms except when there is “an embarrassing escape of gas.” Which, let me tell…

Bey looks like she’s got nothing but a swipe of mascara and a nude lip on, which just accentuates how supremely gorgeous she is.