I was able to convince my best friend from high school to start asking for a leaf of lettuce and a slice of tomato on his hamburgers when we were in our mid-twenties, so now those are the vegetables he eats. Other than that it’s chicken fingers and french fries and all the bread and butter he can eat, and nothing…

Exactly. The people who feel sympathy for him are showing evidence of their good character, but their good sense should never let them be blind to the fact that the feeling would never in a million years be reciprocated.

The older I get, the more I appreciate famous people who seem like they’re generally okay people, even if don’t really (or really don’t) like the work they’re famous for.

That headline is going to be my sign for the next march, I love it.

It’s next door to that one place that makes the noodles and dumplings in the window.

If all the inexplicable things about the D.C. Metro (Orange and yellow color scheme, why? Stations designed to look as much like dank holes in the ground as possible, why? Only one track each way, why? Gross nubby leather on the seat grab-bars, why? CARPETING, OH MY GOD WHY?) the perv bench might be the most…

And yet most of the amateur porn shot in subways I’ve seen comes from DC Metro.

This beats my “worst thing to happen on Metro” story by a thousand miles, and I’ve ridden almost every day for like 15 years. (Tuesday morning, sat next to a group of Georgetown students straight-through-crewing it, had to listen to one of them vomit in a garbage bag for 3 stops. Everyone has this story).

The only similar life experience I have is my own mother, who will put a sheet of newspaper across her lap and pick and eat blue crabs while sitting up in bed, complete with little cups of vinegar and melted butter.

There’s a place in DC’s Chinatown that has the best Chinese bakery goods I’ve ever had, and every time they have fried sesame balls I buy the whole batch.

The rule is lifted for water during the summer! That way they don’t have to take seriously any complaints of un-air-conditioned cars that turn into ovens 3 inches from the surface of the sun.

Forgive yourself. I’m from an era where we still cut out cardboard “feathers” and made headdresses every Thanksgiving in grade school. We’re all getting better!

Hey, eventually you’ll learn that I genuinely disdain you as a person and nothing you say matters to me. And maybe tomorrow when someone says “loose” when they mean “lose” or whatever passes as cardinal sin in your sorry life you’ll think twice before you try to fill the holes in your soul by correcting them.

When you figure out how to say something “quietly” and not “at the same volume as everything else” on Kinja, then I’ll start taking your talk about spelling, grammar, manners, graciousness, “help,” and everything else seriously. Until then, I will continue to make as many personal attacks as I need to until you learn…

Genuinely? Because I find it really funny to see how many times I can tell someone who was trying to make me feel bad about a mistake that they’re a moron to their face and have them just. keep. coming back. for more. Like, yeah, I made a typo, but you’re signing up to be abused in public, so how clever can you be?…

I’ve tried it several times (and on the DC Metro, too, where it is Not Allowed) and it had never gone well for me. I thought I had it all figured out when I started to scarf down a fried sesame ball from Chinatown (handheld, fried but not pungent, consumable in 5 minutes or less) but instead I just got sesame seeds…

I’m definitely not into the cause, but I am very much into the effect if it means we can find more Ötzis and learn further things about our very distant ancestors.

I agree with you in spirit, I guess (although the person I’m actually responding to was in fact specifically talking about the heat), but in practice no one anywhere can just wear “whatever they want.” Everybody everywhere on earth is choosing their clothing every day based on what they want tempered by what they…

I’ve always thought an actual interesting conversation to have would be about the Saudification of previously-diverse Islamic cultures (which is genuinely leading to a more-static and more-monolithic version of Islam), but we’re never going to get there because so many people just want an excuse to be afraid and angry.

What I love most about it is finding out how many different ways I can make pedants look like puling fools, and let me genuinely thank you for all the help you’ve given me in that endeavor.