It does put the reality of how flappily ridiculous some pieces, and how tight and ill-fitting some others are, into high relief. Sometimes the same piece has both flaws, which is a neat trick!

Even the things that look nice enough are put together so strangely. I could fuck with the pink sequin turtleneck, but why put it with the python skirt? Or the blue brocade bustier, but not under an early-2000's long flyaway cardi. Why dye a nice fur stole muddy green?

And the hair used in weaves is not generally donated - this isn’t Locks of Love, it’s a commercial operation. That hair is sold.

Girl, love yourself. You know that fabric is cheap as shit - it’s wrinkled on the hanger! You deserve nice things.

I went to college with a guy who reminded me viscerally of a young JFK. The same kind-of-good-kind-of-not looks, the same very driven attitude, the preppy dress sense - everything. He was even student body president.

I forgot about the Alzheimer’s and now I’m kicking myself because that would have been a more concise and crueler joke.

Good point! What does that even mean? It is literally all pith and no content, like it’s meant to be an elegant Wildean bon mot, only it doesn’t even make one kind of sense.

I wonder how many foot fetishes have been spawned by the footprints-in-sand, baby-feet-obsessed culture of the modern conservative movement.

If you’re weighting your results, better put me down as a ‘hard no.’

Really the only thing most of them would have to change to make that happen is finding a decent tailor.

Late in the evening, your wife mows down an old school friend in the car?

He is literally a recovering alcoholic. The whole schtick with that shirt is deeply weird.

The incredibly prissy handwriting really makes it. Like, yes, Cynthia, you’ve never smoked a joint and you still keep to a strict 9.30 bedtime, but I’m not exactly looking for your individual perspective on life right now, k?

What is it with feet? Like, why is that the part of the fetus I’m supposed to get emotionally invested in?

From the shirt’s slogan, I have gathered a few things,

And the Gaylord, where CPAC is held, is right across the bridge from Alexandria, which has one of the best dining streets. Depending on how large their per diem is, Gabby and Anna are going to do alright.

whenever America interacts with NK they send their tallest soldiers just to fuck with ‘em.

I don’t know if the guy on the right is or isn’t a South Korean soldier, but it is definitely true that North Korean men tend to be 1-3 inches shorter than their Southern neighbors. Which is a pretty impressive step backwards for the North (combined with an equally-impressive step forwards for the South) to be able to…

She probably already feels enough like a hostage.

With all due respect, I submit that if you say “Kentucky up your coffee,” the mind drifts more to the addition of crystal meth rather than whiskey.