I mean, if you want to play disgust one-upsmanship, then fine, but I have better things to do with my day and frankly hating on a woman for any reason during what has to be one of the most difficult times of her entire life is always, no matter what, going to be totally gross. Maybe if she was responsible for the…

“Let me make some shit up so I can get mad about it” isn’t exactly the most inspired argument I’ve seen today. Fish around in the toilet bowl again, maybe you can bring up something better.

Are you my office mates? One of the rooms in our office is supposedly “haunted” (it isn’t) and while no one is super-serious about it, we talk about “haints” all the time.

Right? “I hate the Kardashians so I can have no sympathy for a grieving widow” is absolutely the most disgusting mindset to be proudly displayed during this media cycle.

To be honest “My experience is universal” is not absolutely the strongest argument I’ve heard today.

Remember, not all witches are redheads, but all redheads are witches.

Real dangers require you to pony up $$ for an electrician, while imaginary dangers go away when you point out that you’re trying to get some shut-eye, so they’re cheaper.

Whatever. Go wail into the abyss about your special needs being catered to while showing no compassion or understanding for other people just trying to get through their lives. Maybe the abyss will give a shit.

Also I think people know how advertising works by now? No one is confused when the commercial says “Frosted Flakes are an important part of this complete breakfast” and the camera pans over a spread of 6 foods and 2 different beverages, that their specific home breakfast is more likely to be eaten in 1.3 minutes over…

So the needs of one type of person who tend to freak out at certain stimuli (and are presumably adults) necessitate the complete non-presence of another type of people who tend to freak out at certain stimuli (babies)? And their inability to pony up $25 bucks for workarounds means that other people simply must need to…

I don’t know why but I have weirdly old-lady tastes in cereal? Like I really, really enjoy Grape-Nuts. If I have any cereal in the house at all, it’s either Cheerios, Rice Krispies, or Grape-Nuts, all of which seem to fall into that “this is for people who can’t poop regularly on their own” category.

Sure, because happening to be from a socially progressive place he had absolutely nothing to do with the social progressiveness of definitely has bearing on what the guy finds attractive, and is in no way the dumbest thing I’ve heard today! Gosh, I bet his first girlfriend had one eye and walked with a limp, because…

Yes, if there’s one thing history has shown to be true about rich handsome princes and prince-types who have slept with plenty of glamour models, it’s that they marry for love. That’s why you so rarely see them getting divorced.

There was a story about her on some Gawker outlet or other last month where I very much had that feeling, like “Yeah, maybe if you’re a prince you’d definitely go for the glamour model, but... wouldn’t you go for a top-shelf one, instead?”

Plus side, your bouquet would definitely land on its feet.

Aww, thanks boobear!

Right? This just proves to me that filmmakers have never actually had the kind of bullshit job where you can absolutely be fired for not following all the rules, like not twisting people’s arms to sign up for the company credit card - those of us who have would make this a terrible film, since no creepy shit would…

That people are insisting that they can’t possibly afford noise-cancelling headphones to protect their delicate ears from baby noises while in the same breath insisting that moms should just pony up for professional child care every time they want to leave the house has me nasty-laughing in my sleeve.

I hear Ulanbaatar is lovely this time of year.

Right? Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, babies gotta have meltdowns over meaningless bullshit from time to time. I’m not super into it, which is why I don’t have any, but I accept that they are both a thing that exists and that I can’t reasonably insist that they not exist in my presence ever, even for short amounts…