You know, I just finally twigged on what he was trying to say - this guy comes off as so ignorant and dense that I honestly believed he was confused about how many Justices there are! If he wants to be President, he’s going to have to make his points a little more clearly, since I don’t think it’s weird to read that…

Under the cloak of internet anonymity, I am 100% willing to start the rumor that she simulated a sex act with a dead pig, as it seems that’s the only kind of thing that really hurts people’s images anymore.

Also, five? Last I checked, that’s not how many Supreme Court Justices there are, and I’m pretty sure they were all lawyers before they were Justices.

I dunno - I just noticed that I booked a ferry from Orkney to Aberdeen that takes off at 11.55 PM on the same day as I booked a flight from Aberdeen to London leaving at 11 AM - so you know, a fatal flaw that a travel agent would have noticed. I was able to cancel the ferry and put the money from that towards a flight…

You could try covering the mascara that gets on your eyelid. Revlon’s Illuminance Creme Eyeshadows have one pot that exactly matches my eyelid skin, and when I make a mistake I just cover it up rather than scrub at my eyes.

Lemon juice should take some of the stain off, or you can put on a really dark red which should stain the nails to something a little more natural. In the future, put down an undercoat before you paint on a blue color, they’re all notorious for staining.

Remember who makes up the atheist population in this country - predominantly, they are young, white, well-educated, and male, which means they’re in a group that may just be noticing that the world is not going to be automatically handing them everything they’ve always been promised. They’re basically perfectly primed…

Ahmed’s too smart to even imagine the insane, foaming-at-the-mouth response he got, because what sensible person would foresee this reaction? And if he DID, he’s also smart enough to know that for someone that looks like him, interactions like this with the police can end with him dead a lot faster than they end with…

Never forget that Bill Maher is Bill O’Reilley for moderate liberal and libertarian white boys with a college education who feel a vague sense of white guilt but also a real, prevalent, and consuming fear of brown people. That’s all he is. Just like O’Reilley exists to tell your nervous, overwrought grandmother that…

You don’t, which is kind of weird when you think about it. Like, when I got a new job and discovered, surprise! my passport was expired, the expired passport couldn’t be used as proof of identity and right to work. Because it’s expired. But when you send in your old passport to get it renewed, the expired passport IS…

I agree. I just had my passport renewed, and opted not to pony up for the ‘expedited’ service even though I was traveling within the next 2 months. Started to get nervous about this after I sent it in, thinking that I might be held up by certain things - I lived in a country that’s considered a state sponsor of…

I’m sorry that happened to you. It must have been a legitimately awful time for you and your family, but if talking with your lab partner helped you work through your own sorrow, I’m glad you had that help. And I’m glad your partner got out safely.

That’s a relatively generous way to look at it. On the other hand, I have so many conversations here on Gawker about how “If it was ME, I’D stay and FIGHT for my HOME” as if every podiatrist and swimming coach and secretary just had a battle-hardened soldier inside, waiting to get out, and as if it says something bad…

I became somewhat close with a manicurist during a time when I was getting my nails done regularly. We weren’t friends, but I liked her and we did have real conversations about things. Among other things, she told me about how she and her husband got to America, beginning with paying someone to help them stow away on…

Haha, I’m the only kid for my parents, which in a lot of ways makes my mom worse than those with lots of individuals to brag about - her Christmas cards regularly covered the inside flap, the space around the greeting, AND all the space not occupied by the Hallmark logo in back. I can only imagine that they were truly…

Truly a parade of fools. Whenever my mother starts getting wistful about not having had more children (I’m the only one) I like to remind her that she got lucky with me (M.A. and a good job), she could have struck out 4 times in a row like Sarah (we’re not counting Trig because we’re not that kind of assholes).

It’s literally the most neutral way possible to talk about something traumatizing, and you’re making it about the generation gap?

At the point where even the arresting officers are admitting it was a clock, using scare-quotes around “clock” is the fastest possible way to look functionally brain-dead.

Right? Ahmed’s parents have a kid they can be proud of, and it shows - did you see his family members in the background of his press conference? Overjoyed with their well-spoken kid.

Oh, absolutely go to hell. You can’t tell me in essence to suck up abuse and do my job with one breath and then pretend that isn’t what you said with the next, all the while trying to cover your ass you so expertly showed in public and whining about how People! Are just! So! Terrible! You just can’t stand it!