Sorry, I just broke my jaw simultaneously yawning over how no one gives a shit and gaping over how empty your life must be to be hanging an argument on such a dubious achievement.

I was going to dismiss this as I do most rude and pointless comments I get from morons, but on second thought it is so much the greater pleasure to leave this here where other adults can see you waving around a Communications degree like a) anyone cares, brag about your kindergarten test scores next Cindy, and b) like…

Getting re-elected after committing a serious crime is an American pastime, and is not confined to any state or region. Ask DC, Rhode Island, and Chicago for comment.

Also, apparently, Gilmore Guys, Ricki and the Flash, Shade Court, and Rick Springfield.

I know that it’s not my place to have any feelings on the issue and also no one cares, but also I think that I would be just incredibly angry if I was transitioning and someone close to me did this? Like, just incandescently, incredibly angry. I struggle to think of a plausible read on this that isn’t just…

And yet this STILL isn’t the Fox News people are talking about when they talk about Fox News, particularly when they want to stop talking about Fox News, since if true that would pretty much mean to stop talking about local news stations altogether. John Brown is not Megyn Kelly, and your eyeroll makes you neither as…

When I went to college in Rhode Island for a year, I lost 10 pounds in the first 4 months. It was a combination of absolutely horrible cafeteria food (they boiled their veggies to mush), lack of selection (and they wouldn’t let you serve yourself - you pointed to what you wanted and a worker behind a sneeze shield…

This isn’t what is meant when people are talking about Fox News the way you’re talking about Fox News.

This is a local affiliate station, though, which is very, very different than Fox News the cable channel in that it is just like any other local news station.

They look like they might be related, and like any children they conceive together have a 90% chance of being born without any eyes at all.

Please, in any just universe the Christian social conservatives and the Libertarian fiscal conservatives will be left behind here to live with what they wrought, while the rest of us get to abscond to somewhere, literally anywhere, else.

Melania Trump’s supposed attractiveness is reason number 1 why I don’t trust straight men to be right about anything. I just feel like an alien with the disconnect between how attractive other people presumably think she is (I mean, she’s conveyed it into a very financially lucrative marriage) and how attractive I…

You should definitely always do stuff you enjoy, some of my best times have been off the beaten path. But also keep in mind not to be rude while people are actively enjoying the stuff you find underwhelming? When I first moved to Prague, on like day 2 I went to see the Astronomical Clock in the old town square, and…

Did you have a problem with the eggs? A friend of mine is married to a South African who can’t eat anything with American eggs in it unless they’re bought at like $6 a half-dozen from a farmer whose egg-production process is like: 1) Feed chickens, 2) Collect eggs, 3) Sell eggs. We’ve never been able to figure out…

Other than the suspicion that they’re not taller in that region because of literal tumors growing out of their legs and making them longer, I’m not sure I need a reason. And it seems like leg-tumors as a factor would have been mentioned in the article.

Buckle up, Thanksgiving this year is going to be rough as hell for a lot of people. Between this this year and Michael Brown & the Ferguson protests stretching into November last year, it’s shaping up to be a decade of rough Thanksgivings for a lot of people with racist family members.

I misread it at first and saw “Most fabulous winner,” which is a little Charlie-Sheen-2011 outdated but at least makes sense, but now my reading comprehension is working again and somehow it only makes things more confusing.

There is nothing sadder than a consummate failure trying to start shit.

This is why I always say that if heaven isn’t just instant, infinite knowledge, I’d rather not have it and just be dead and unaware (which is what I think happens anyway). I have so many questions that are literally unanswerable just due to the bitchass one-way nature of time, and I either want answers or nothing.

Probably not in the way that made a bunch of people 2,000 km away suddenly grow taller while everyone else around them was totally unaffected.