+1

"FA-LA-LA-LA-LA, BITCH! FA-LA-LA-LA-LA!"

Wow! I never thought Garcia would ever play there. Everyone knows he thinks Houston is too close to New Orleans.

A light from your high horses

Tulsa should have figured out what was coming when the BYU quarterback called out the audible "2 Rock A Rhyme, 2 Rock A Rhyme, That's Right On Time."

You know, whenever I'm taking a little too long while getting a passable handjob in a Sonata, I look deep into the hollow eyes of my plain-looking paramore and soothe her ego with the gentle words "it just takes some time, little girl...everything, everything will be alright."

Screencap: Abby Wambach says the Bobcat Goldthwait version of the Pledge of Allegiance.

+1

I thought Randy Johnson would be the perfect photographer for an NBA press conference, but it looks like I was just plain wrong.

Damn it, ESPN! How can you screw up something so simple?! The correct answer is Spider-Man.

Huh. Usually a Wade apologia comes along with a prescription for Acyclovir.

+1

This guy is also wearing really awful sunglasses in a dark room.

Everyone always thinks an Agressive Nod is all fun and games. Then one day you wake up and find Winkin' and Blinkin' face down in a pool of their own blood.

I hope this new job will be quite a pay upgrade for him, because I've been hearing a lot lately that student loan payments for Law are just ridiculous.

Hey! I think I know this "slapdick". He's my urologist!

Well, at least the voters in Nebraska and Canada were smart enough to figure it out.

I think Devin Harris may be a sith lord, because it's obvious that he just tried to take out a member of the Rebel Rebel Alliance.

You're telling me. All this time I've been saying that Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go is infinitely better but nobody ever wants to listen.

I'm self-conscious about my hands when I'm on camera too! They always look funny. I try to let them swing naturally at my side and they look weird. I try to make a fist and it looks awkward. I put them in my pockets and I look nervous. I make a wild gesticulation and people think I'm a crazy person. Really, it's…